Advice on Girls

How to start a conversation

The first step is to act quickly
When you see a girl that interests you, act quickly. Go right up to her and start a conversation. Never stall. Stalling will cause you to either psych yourself out or cause you to miss an opportunity (she’ll leave before you work up the courage to approach her). Worse yet, a lot of guys stall and never find the courage to talk to the girl. If you find yourself in this situation it’s time to be a man and walk right up to the girl and start talking. Trust me, you can do it!

How to start a conversation with a girl like this

Observe her and the surroundings
As you walk up to the girl start observing her (what’s she’s wearing, holding, doing and how she looks). Also, observe the immediate surroundings (are you in a book store, coffee shop, park). The more you observe, the more subjects you have to talk about. The more you have to talk about, the greater the chance she will like you. So pay close attention to your surroundings and hers.

Note: Never, ever use pickup lines! Girls don’t find them clever and they make you look desperate. In a conversation, girls look for authenticity – for something real. Pickup lines come off as anything but real.

Talking props
You know what a stage prop is right? It’s an object (furniture, books, plants, etc.) that help the audience know exactly where the scene takes place. The actors interact with these props. Talking props are objects that help you interact with the girls you meet. For instance, that book she’s holding is a talking prop – tell her it looks interesting and ask her what it’s about. Talking props are also objects you posses. An example is your dog, a great prop. If you’re out walking your dog in a park, especially if it’s a puppy, many girls stop to look at it – an excellent conversation starter!

Always ask open-ended questions
This is the key to keeping a conversation flowing. Nothing kills a conversation fast than asking a yes or no question. Here are some examples of bad yes or no questions: Did you like the new Harry Potter movie? Is that a good book? Do you like dogs? These question can all be answered with a simple yes or no which causes the conversation to not flow naturally.

Here are some examples of better questions: What did you like about the new Harry Potter movie? That book looks interesting; why are you reading it? What’s your favorite thing about dogs?

See the difference? Those questions cause the girl to give a more thoughtful response, which leads to more talking, than simple yes or no questions.

Sample Conversation Starters

At The Coffee Shop

At The Book Store
Suppose there’s a pretty girls standing next to computer book section (yes, it does happen!). You notice she’s holding a book on image editing techniques. Go up to her and say, “I hear that’s a good book. What are you looking to edit?”

At The Library
You see a girl studying an American literary history book. Say to her, “Hey I’m thinking about taking that class. My friend said it’s good but tough. What’s your opinion?”

At The Grocery Store
You see a girl buying a frozen meal that you like. Walk by her and say, “I love those! I make sure to fix steamed carrots whenever I eat them. What dish do you like to fix with it?”

At The Clothing Store
Suppose you see an interesting girl while your shopping. Pick up two different color shirts and ask her which color shirt she thinks looks best on you and why. You can also use the old, “I’m looking for a gift for my female friend’s birthday but I don’t know jack about women’s clothes. Do you think you can help me pick something out?” If she works at the store, she’ll almost always say yes.

At The Park
Let’s say you see a girl about to hike or done hiking one of the trails. Go up to her and say, “You know, I like this trail. It’s very pretty this time of year. What’s your favorite time of year to hike this trail?”

Note: Again, never use pickup lines!

Do you have questions, comments, success stories, or your own suggestions? Please share them by commenting below!

1,572 Responses to “How to start a conversation”

Kennedy

14. Feb, 2010

@ alex

Those are the best times! You only have a couple of minutes to chit chat, so you are not prolonging the conversation awkwardly. When class lets out one day, walk with her and ask her what her plans are for the weekend. Listen to her answer, say a bit about what you’re doing and tell her you’ll talk to her tomorrow. It sets an expectation that you two will talk again. That’s a great start to getting to know this girl. You can do it!
Jayvic

17. Feb, 2010

Hey dude I need help there’s a girl in the other form…She’s like so hottt and I kinda asked her out and she said she was busy.But how come she keeps on looking at me everytime we have classes together…Dude I’m confused is she tryin to test me or something??????
Naoto

17. Feb, 2010

ahmmm can you help me guys pls
Let`s see where do i start….
my “ex” girlfriend and i start dating last year
november
i met her on a park
i felt embarassed cause I`m still not good at speaking there language (japanese)
so… she was walking through the park going to a prep
school
and i saw her from afar and said to hello!
and she kinda laugh
that`s when i had the confidence to ask her number directly
as i get her cellphone number
on the next day we were start dating each other
the past days were great but
the past 2 weeks weren`t…
i kinda let my emotions take over me
i made so many mistakes!
i even got jealous of my friend because
she said to me that he`s kinda handsome
and that was the start of the arguments on past few days
i said i was sorry and i`ll never be jealous again
but she won`t believe me
everytime i ask her about her “boy” friends
she asks this question “why?? if i said it will you be mad?”
i tried explaining to her that i won`t
but she thinks of it like were having a fight again
i tried saying sorry to her everytime
until the break up on dec. we only had 1 month
she said to me
that she hates me
im so stubborn
always saying sorry……
i was only trying to make her feel how sorry i am
after the bad break up we had
i tried so many methods in the internet that i have ridden
and kinda made our relationship worst than ever =(
the one i had ridden is mind tricks
i know this makes me a jerk but
i just didn`t know what to do
i tried it on her
she mailed me and said
“i hate mailing with you it`S ANNOYING”
that`s when i stop mailing her almost 2 months now

I know i don`t deserve to be with her again
but i just can`t face the fact
that im still in love with her even now
i tried so many times to forget her but i really can`t
im really in love with her

i was planning to send her a gift (her favorite)
because it` almost her birthday
but my name it`s not written on it

i want to mail her but i don`t even know what to say to her and im so scared that she`ll say someting that i don`t want to hear

can you help me pls
garret

18. Feb, 2010

@any one who will help
theres this girl shes in 2 of my classes i used to sit by her but i got moved i think i made some kind of impression on her wen i was stil there. but i really wana ask for her number but i cant think of a way how an if she says no wil it be kinda weird cuz i c her lik everyday (also i dont got much time cause she always has guys hittn on her so the faster the better) thanx in advance
amr

20. Feb, 2010

at the bar?
tim

20. Feb, 2010

Hey I have recently been having problems with my girlfriend the problems arent really important but we got into a huge fight and broke up..hours after she started dating another guy and i reallized that i wanted her back and she took me back but she says she has a crush on this other guy now to they hang out often and talk through texts almost everyday…is this normal for her to have this crush and for her to want to hang out with her..how long should i have to wait before she has no feelings for him and should i be worried..thank you for your time
-tim
Kennedy

21. Feb, 2010

@ tim

That’s a tough break man. Personally, I would recommend taking some time away from this girl and let her figure things out. Let’s face it – if she’s running off to another guy just hours after you two broke up, then maybe she doesn’t have your best interests at heart. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s what you need to hear.
Good luck getting that straightened out man.
Kennedy

21. Feb, 2010

@ Jayvic

Girls are mysterious creatures, my friend. If she keeps giving you the “busy” line, then ask her when she is not busy. Put her on the spot. If she gives you some date down the road, then ask her out for that date. If she still shrugs you off, then take a step back and see if she comes to you. Just have patience here, you are going to need it for this one!
Kennedy

21. Feb, 2010

@ Naoto

Fixing a relationship can be tough. Fixing a relationship with a language barrier can be near impossible. This can go one of two ways for you. One: You can contact her on her birthday, wish her well and let her know that you’ve been thinking about her and that you’d like to talk to her again soon. If she does bring you back into her life you are going to have to ease up on the jealousy, dude. No matter how old you are or where you live – girls don’t like guys that act jealous all the time. Now if she doesn’t want you back, then there is way # Two: Learn from your mistakes in this relationship and use what you’ve learned to be a better boyfriend for the next girl that comes along and lights up your life. And trust me – one will be there eventually.
Good luck my friend.
Kennedy

21. Feb, 2010

@ garret

This is one of those “swing for the fences” moments. Just find a moment where she is alone – walking in the hallway for example – and just say, “Hey, I’d like to call (or text) you sometime. What’s your number?” If anything she’ll be impressed with your confidence.
If she doesn’t give you her number, don’t let her see your disappointment. If you continue to act confident that’s going to show. And if she doesn’t notice it – then some other hottie is going to. Trust me.
John

25. Feb, 2010

Hey guys

Ok here’s my problem. I really like this hot girl at my school but I have no confidence to talk to her and everytime I even see her with her friends my faced turns really red ecause I’m very shy around her. She has a bf but I’m not sure if she likes me cuz she stares at me a lot and smiles. I see her in the halls but I always look straight ahead because if I locked eyes with her I feel very shy and embarrassed ): it is very hard also because she is a junior and I’m a freshman. She doesn’t really know who I am and her friend stares at me a lot. Any help on how to approach her without being shy and not looking weird cuz she doesn’t know me? The only way I can talk to her is in the halls when I walk by her or I could just walk up to her locker by her friend. (if you had any experience with liking ppl other than your gf in a relationship or this you have been liked by others in a relationship, pls tell me so I know if I’m wasting my time liking her).
Thanks
jp

26. Feb, 2010

Hey men, so this is my problem.
Im 15, im from Guatemala and last night i went to a party. It was a really cool party and I met this girl.
Well we dance, we talk for 10 minutes and then she left, but before she left she gave me her phone number.
Im new in all this things so, can you help me? Should i text or call? what can be a good conversation theme ? i dont want to look random lol
Thanks
Xee

28. Feb, 2010

Im a guy who get eyed by many girls. and she is one of those. the problem is, i’ve never started a conversation with a girl. its always the girls side who starts it. this time i wanna start. bcz i kno she’s never gonna do it. she just eyes me and gives me chances to start talkin to her. but im such a loser. i never avail these opportunities. im desperate to talk to her. but at the same time im very much confused n im hesitating.

by the way, we are university fellows and she’s 2 years junior.
Kennedy

28. Feb, 2010

@ John

It never hurts to approach her and see how she feels!
But first things first – if you guys are making eye contact in the hallway or elsewhere, you need to make sure you are not getting all flushed and looking away when making eye contact. For the next week, that is all I want you to practice. And don’t just work on it with her – make a point to have great eye contact with anyone you interact with this week. Believe it or not, it EXUDES confidence, and women eat that up.
So work on that first and then we’ll worry about everything else!
Kennedy

28. Feb, 2010

@ jp

NEVER TEXT BEFORE YOU CALL! Your first interaction after getting a girls number is to make a phone call. Even in today’s “text all the time” world, texting a girl before ever calling her can seem really impersonal. Give her a call man.
Also, if you’re from out of the country, try asking about fun things to do in the area, and I’m sure you’ll quickly be comparing life in Guatemala and the US in no time.
Good luck!
Kennedy

28. Feb, 2010

@ Xee

That’s a good problem to have! The most straight-up way to talk to a girl is just walk up to her and say, “Hello, what’s your name?”
That will blow her away! You can do it!
mandy

02. Mar, 2010

hi!!!
i am in love(love at 1st sight) wid a sales girl in shopping mall. she handels group of items just near the entry of the mall.so when ever i see her i give a few seconds look n a sweet smile nand in reply she too give me a smile.but i dont hav any thng in my mind how to talk to her n wat to say ..n how to start our conversation plyz help ……
Charle

02. Mar, 2010

Hello everyone. I have another problem I need advice on. Once in a blue moon(or at least every other class time) a very pretty girl may sit right by me in my marketing class. The only problem is the following happens:
1.The professor starts lecturing.
2.I psych myself out so I am rendered useless.
3.The pretty girl shifts over to a group of girls to be “safeguarded” by?

So here’s my ? Should I take the initiative to talk to a girl if they happen to sit by me? Or should I try and sit by them? And go from there. If I do that, how do I keep myself from looking like a moron, but giving an intelligent attempt at striking up a conversation with her?

Thanks and later!
bryan

03. Mar, 2010

uh theres this girl i see her everyday between classes. she is beautiful. shes very popular. she has all these guys always hugging her and all these girls follow her around. i juss dont know how to start a conversation with her. she looks like a really nice girl though. i dont know her name or anything though. how should i start a conversation with her? should i juss walk up to her and ask her her name and tell her that i think shes beautiful or what? idk haha thanks.
Kevin

03. Mar, 2010

ok bryan some advice ill give u is walking up to her is a good idea go to the posts on how to start a convo and go from there (helps me all the time) but yea there is a problem with just goin right up and telling her shes beautiful, 2 things will happen she’ll either be flattered or she will be scared off, now if i was in this situation i wouldnt just tell her if i really wanted a chance with her, not right away anywayz. i hope that helps any more people will probably help you out especially kennedy
Kevin

03. Mar, 2010

belay my last on the conversation thing lol we are alrady under this post but yea just cycle between posts to get different tips on your situation. good luck
mickey

03. Mar, 2010

hi guys need adivce
ok theres a girl in my school shes very pretty an nice. shes in a few of my classes an we talk in between an sometimes during but for some reason i always walk away wen some of her friends show up, were. this is my problem she has lots of other options than me, but i think she kinda likes me becuz she tells me to “shut up” in the joking way. but bak to the point i want her number. i need adivce. an i’ve already read about askin her for help or somethin like but im thinkn bout just goin up to her an ask her for it but i dont want it to seem akward so how do i get over my fear? (an kenny if ur readin this i’ve read alot of ur post an was wonderin how do u kno so much an were do u find the time to help strangers over the internet?)
Joel

04. Mar, 2010

U really didn’t answer my question so imgoing to ask u rite now and hoefully u can answer it by sending me an email. I like this girl really reallly bad so I sen her come out the lunch line and I grabbed her arm to get her attention and she said boy please and started smilin so two days later I seen her in the hallway and I said yo she looked and I said comehere and she smiled again and said booy.. And walked off smiling again.. So my question to u is what should I do????
Charle

07. Mar, 2010

Hey again. Need advice. I’ve been getting mixed opinions and I wanted the official word from the masters. Is it best to meet girls at public locations or through friends? Or public locations through friends? Some of my friends say meet nice girls and talk to them randomly out in public, with nothing to go on. Others say it’s better to stick to a specific network, examples like a party or a church to meet them there or meet girls through them. What should I do on this? AAH I’m confused!
Ryan

08. Mar, 2010

yoooooooo.
i saw this girl last saturday at a party and she kept on glancing at me and me at her so i went over and said hellow to both her cousin and her and she just didnt respond and kept on running away then coming back every few minutes.
i spoke to her cousin and she sed shes jusst acting shy……
how do i talk to her if she wont talk back???
Ryan

08. Mar, 2010

yooooooooooooo
Ryan again follow up from above
I also talk to her quite a bit on facebook and msn and we can keep conversations going on for a really long time but in person shes very shy and rarely responds to any questions asked
again
how do i talk to her if she wont talk back???
evan

08. Mar, 2010

hey.
there is this one girl that i cant get my mind off, she’s very pretty and I’ve liked her ever since kindergarten. the only problem is i have never had the courage to ask her out. i’m a sophomore in high school, we both go to different schools and i only see her occasionally at church. so i guess to get to the point how and when should i ask her out? i really want to ask her out because we’ve never gotten out of the friend zone and after middle school just stopped talking, and its something that will haunt me for the rest of my life if I dont at least put out the question out.
mr.wondred

08. Mar, 2010

what should i say if i ask a girl out and she always say shes busy
Kennedy

09. Mar, 2010

@ Charle

One trick I pulled a couple of times in college was to make sure I was one of the last people to enter the room, and find a seat as close to the girl as possible. Once your next to her, just ask anything about the class – homework, upcoming tests, etc. It’s a non-threatening ice breaker that can open up in to something more.
Kennedy

09. Mar, 2010

@ mandy

Let’s swing for the fences here. Ask her if she gets a lunch break, and if you can buy her something over at the food court when that break comes (or when her shift ends). I know you can do it – good luck!
Kennedy

09. Mar, 2010

@ micky

I am everywhere at all times! And I am wise beyond my years.

The easy thing to do here is to just ask if you can call (or text) her sometime. That should be a way to get what you are after. Just remember, as I’ve said in many other posts, just remember to take a deep breath before you go in.
Kennedy

09. Mar, 2010

@ Joel

You need to let that girl know you wanna holla at a girl some time! Just like the post right above this one – get that number so you can call or text her sometime. I bet you that you walk away with her number…
Kennedy

09. Mar, 2010

@ Ryan

Shy girls can be tough, but being sure to work with open-ended questions can open up a shy person really quickly. Practice coming up with some open-ended questions to keep in your back pocket for the next time you run into this girl (or another shy girl).
Kennedy

09. Mar, 2010

@ evan

Keep it simple here. Next time you see her at church, ask if she has weekend plans. Offer to take her to a movie or coffee or something simple like that. Don’t be afraid to fail – if she says no, at least you won’t have that indecisiveness hanging over your head forever.
Kennedy

09. Mar, 2010

@ mr.wondred

Kudos for having the confidence to ask a girl out! Unfortunately, it sounds like she’s giving you the cold shoulder. Try setting your sites on another gal and see if that doesn’t get her attention.
Gunner

10. Mar, 2010

im a freshman and my girlfriends a sophmore…..when we hang out all we do is sit around and hold hands what should i do to start a conversation….or what should i say….and if were with another couple then what?

thanks
james

11. Mar, 2010

hey,
umm, ok so ive talked to this girl like 3 times and they were very short like one of them was simply “hi, i dont think we’ve met befor” and then i respned “nope” and then i sid “im james” and she said her name. oh yeh, btw 2 out of the 3 times she started the convo and im wondering if its to early to ask her out or if i should just go for it since ihave nothing to lose, btw im in 7th and shes in 8th, so thas like one of the reasons why its harder to talk to her cause i just never see her xcept for at the end of school, thanks
Cameron

12. Mar, 2010

Hey James,

The next time you talk with her, try t start more of a conversaton with her. For example, “Do you play any sports?” and then talk about it / her. And eventually, when it gets easier to talk to her, ask her if you could have her number so you can text her. and btw, the “her approaching you” part might mean that she has some interest in you. Good luck! Just put another post up here if you need anything else.
james

12. Mar, 2010

Hmm, ok, awesome thanks cameron.
Oh, there is one slight problem though, i dont really see her a lot except when shes hanging w/ all of her friends and like it just seems like that wouldnt really help a lot cause shes trying to chill w/ friends u know? But like i do sometimes see her like wen im getting picked up after school so ill try with the open ended question. THanks again Cameron.
James2

14. Mar, 2010

My friends girlfriend might like me and she’s seen me play sports( i was on her brothers team ) and im good so what should i start a conversation about that wont make me look like a show off?
Kennedy

15. Mar, 2010

@Gunner
What music does she like? What’s her favorite song on the radio right now? Is she going to college? What are her plans for the summer? How are classes going? Those are just a few questions to get you started. But seriously, you need to find out as much about her as you can. Never stop asking questions about her. Eventually you’ll have enough background on your girl that it becomes naturally easier to talk to her, since you know what interests her.
Aman

16. Mar, 2010

Hey guys,

As I was saying earlier there’s this girl who i see on the bus who’s 7 years older than me and i reallyyyyyyyyy want to talk to her and just be friends with her. So any suggestions, pleaasssssse?
Bob213

16. Mar, 2010

Hi I’m 14 and am in a right problem. I’m not useally quiet but when it comes to this girl I get shy and I don’t dare talk to her. The fact is she’s quite popular and well I’m just average. I’ve made some eye contact with her but I turn to quickly to realise if she’s intrested in me or not and like I have no courage to talk to her. Any suggestions of what to do, cheers
James

16. Mar, 2010

haha, Bob213, im in the same predicament xcept that shes kinda not the popular and i am
Jake

17. Mar, 2010

Hey,

I just started talking to this girl last Saturday (today is Wednesday) because she put her number up on Facebook and so I figured I’d text her. We ended up having a relatively good convo, and then the next night I stayed up till 2:30am texting her until she fell asleep…..On a school night lol. And she acts really cool and energetic too. And eventually I admitted that I had begun to like her (on Monday night I think), and she told me she liked me too but kind of shyly I thought. So I sat with her in first period today and it turns out that she is really shy. I kept on trying to start conversations and stuff like about the work we were doing, and I asked her what her favorite subject was, and I tried talking about some of the things we had talked about in text messages the day before. She would reply to me of course, but she wouldn’t look at me and she would respond with just a LITTLE bit more than just answering the questions I asked…..and then that would be it. I mentioned it to her later (in a text) and just joking with her saying “Someone seemed shy today ” and she was like “I know. It was really awkward today” or something like that. I know she still like me and stuff though. But, any advice for me with how to “break the ice” a little more I guess???????? Your help will be apreciated
Rick

17. Mar, 2010

Hey, I was wondering if you can give me some advice, I normally am a very confident person and fun to talk to any of my guy friends and my really close girl friends. However I have hardest time talking to girl that I think is super cute. Most of the time I start a conversation, I run out of things to say or I just make a complete fool out myself lol… are they’re any tips you could tell me to possibly find out exactly the right things to say to the right girl by reading her body language or anything of that nature.
Kyle

18. Mar, 2010

In school theres this girl i like but when i say im gonna approach her i cant since i cant think of how to start a conversation on a school bus especially when all she does is talk with her friends or just stare out in the window doing nothing
Kevin

18. Mar, 2010

@Jake

yea man ive been in a situation but trust me its only akward because your starting to devolop feelings for her and i expect she is for you, and trust me its always easier to start a covo when textin. but my advice git it a few more das when the shyness and awkwardness dies down(don’t completley throw the topic out through that time though, bring it up casually through that time period, that way she doesn’t feel pressure or think u have lost interest in her) and then just ask her if she wants to go out on a date(see what she likes to do first so u you know what to plan for) hope this helped
Kevin

18. Mar, 2010

wow sorry for the typos i made, just let me know if you cant understand and need me to clarify
theses

20. Mar, 2010

if you don’t say anything… you’re not gonna meet anybody… bringing up open-ended conversation starters is good. But, if you want to really make an inpression, talking about about a harry potter book, is only as good as how you say it and how you look when you say it. If you want to win the hearts of women and people in general you have to develop some kind of charm, something that makes you desirable, likeable or at least safe. Unless you look like a greek god, and even then most women are only moved so far by looks, you need to develop wit, sense of humor, style, and self value. You need to make the women feel like either she is missing something and you seem to have it, you seem like fun, or you seem interesting…. In most cases in life, you’ll be meeting women in trival situations (ie not life or death situations where you can save her from a burning building) so your best bet is to learn and practice being witty, humorous, challenging but non-threating. Humor, cleverness, wry wit will be the deciding factor between girls you could be with vs girls you just talked to. If your smart, you won’t pick a girl just based on her looks either. If she is a dud, or ditz, trust me you are going to get bored with her. Sometimes it sucks to be a guy… but it’s the price you pay for being able to move the world

How to start a conversation

1,572 Responses to “How to start a conversation”

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