How to start a conversation
The first step is to act quickly
When you see a girl that interests you, act quickly. Go right up to her and start a conversation. Never stall. Stalling will cause you to either psych yourself out or cause you to miss an opportunity (she’ll leave before you work up the courage to approach her). Worse yet, a lot of guys stall and never find the courage to talk to the girl. If you find yourself in this situation it’s time to be a man and walk right up to the girl and start talking. Trust me, you can do it!
Observe her and the surroundings
As you walk up to the girl start observing her (what’s she’s wearing, holding, doing and how she looks). Also, observe the immediate surroundings (are you in a book store, coffee shop, park). The more you observe, the more subjects you have to talk about. The more you have to talk about, the greater the chance she will like you. So pay close attention to your surroundings and hers.
Note: Never, ever use pickup lines! Girls don’t find them clever and they make you look desperate. In a conversation, girls look for authenticity - for something real. Pickup lines come off as anything but real.
Talking props
You know what a stage prop is right? It’s an object (furniture, books, plants, etc.) that help the audience know exactly where the scene takes place. The actors interact with these props. Talking props are objects that help you interact with the girls you meet. For instance, that book she’s holding is a talking prop - tell her it looks interesting and ask her what it’s about. Talking props are also objects you posses. An example is your dog, a great prop. If you’re out walking your dog in a park, especially if it’s a puppy, many girls stop to look at it - an excellent conversation starter!
Always ask open-ended questions
This is the key to keeping a conversation flowing. Nothing kills a conversation fast than asking a yes or no question. Here are some examples of bad yes or no questions: Did you like the new Harry Potter movie? Is that a good book? Do you like dogs? These question can all be answered with a simple yes or no which causes the conversation to not flow naturally.
Here are some examples of better questions: What did you like about the new Harry Potter movie? That book looks interesting; why are you reading it? What’s your favorite thing about dogs?
See the difference? Those questions cause the girl to give a more thoughtful response, which leads to more talking, than simple yes or no questions.
Sample Conversation Starters
- At The Coffee Shop
If you’re standing in line at a coffee shop and a pretty girl is behind you, observe your surroundings. You might notice the unique mugs they have for sale. That’s an excellent prop to start a conversation. Turn to the girl and say something like, “Gee, that’s a really neat mug. What do you think about it?” Bam! Instant conversation!
At The Book Store
Suppose there’s a pretty girls standing next to computer book section (yes, it does happen!). You notice she’s holding a book on image editing techniques. Go up to her and say, “I hear that’s a good book. What are you looking to edit?”
At The Library
You see a girl studying an American literary history book. Say to her, “Hey I’m thinking about taking that class. My friend said it’s good but tough. What’s your opinion?”
At The Grocery Store
You see a girl buying a frozen meal that you like. Walk by her and say, “I love those! I make sure to fix steamed carrots whenever I eat them. What dish do you like to fix with it?”
At The Clothing Store
Suppose you see an interesting girl while your shopping. Pick up two different color shirts and ask her which color shirt she thinks looks best on you and why. You can also use the old, “I’m looking for a gift for my female friend’s birthday but I don’t know jack about women’s clothes. Do you think you can help me pick something out?” If she works at the store, she’ll almost always say yes.
At The Park
Let’s say you see a girl about to hike or done hiking one of the trails. Go up to her and say, “You know, I like this trail. It’s very pretty this time of year. What’s your favorite time of year to hike this trail?”
Note: Again, never use pickup lines!
Do you have questions, comments, success stories, or your own suggestions? Please share them by commenting below!
168 Responses
When you see a cute girl, act quickly! by Advice on Girls
August 5th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
1[...] How to start a conversation [...]
A tech savvy babe creates a video blog by Advice on Girls
August 6th, 2007 at 11:46 am
2[...] How to start a conversation [...]
Daniel
August 6th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
3I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100% regarding dvice on Girls, but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong
Michael
August 14th, 2007 at 9:29 pm
4Sorry for the long delay in getting your comment out here Daniel. It got caught in the spam filter (don’t know why).
It’s OK that you can not agree with me 100%. This site is for the edification of all men. If you have some suggestions, please share them!
Having said that, I must say that this tactics have worked for me and my friends.
Thanks for the comment and I hope to hear from you again!
Daniel
August 15th, 2007 at 2:07 am
5I couldn’t understand some parts of this article dvice on Girls, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.
mohammad
October 10th, 2007 at 4:46 am
6hi
first i would like to thank you for the great and meanengfull tips you stated.
according to the experince you have in ineresting converstaion i think i will find what am looking for.
i have problem in chatting, i cant attract girls to start chatting with me and i know my problem is i cant start an interesting chat subject, how can i start a subject that is attractive for both side even i cant see the other person and she is completly stranger for me.
please i strongly in need for this help
thanks in advance for your support
amna
October 12th, 2007 at 4:46 am
7how do u start a conversation at school?
Dog Look
November 3rd, 2007 at 3:21 am
8Hi , i was looking for information on dogs but i was directed to you site and i must say your post dvice on Girls , looks to be very informative - i wish you success
Matt
November 5th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
9Wow, that totally makes sense. couldn’t agree more. Thanks :]
Sam
November 6th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
10These are good tips. Thanks for sharing!
Michael
November 6th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
11Mohammad,
I would use talking props. You can also try to bring up a topic that has mass appeal - like puppies. I have never met a single girl that doesn’t like puppies
But seriously, try opening with something like “Excuse me, do prefer puppies or kittens? I ask because my friend wants to surprise his girlfriend with either a puppy or kitten. What do you think?”
Try it. Remember, if it doesn’t work, you won’t die. It’s all about practice. Practice makes perfect.
Good luck!
T. Beasley
November 7th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
12Got any hints about talking to a girl that doesn’t like you?
Kennedy
November 8th, 2007 at 7:22 pm
13I like the part about using props. It makes total sense. I wonder why I never thought of it?
Schropnuts
November 8th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
14I totally met my current girlfriend at the Borders bookstore in Memphis!
Shawn
November 10th, 2007 at 6:08 am
15How would you aproach a girl at school? When do you think is the best time to aproach her (after school - perhaps…?)? Also, how should I present myself (Hi! I’m a guy from your chemistry class.. My name is ‘X’ )
Thanks in advance and I’ll be waiting for your reply.
Syl
November 13th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
16You know how you said ask questions to a girl because it keeps the conversation going, i tried that, and the girl kept on getting annoying cuz i asked too many questions, isn’t it true that too many questions might annoy the person.
Tally
November 15th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
17The puppy thing totally works! Well, not for me but my friend took his brand new puppy to the park and all sorts of girls stopped by to see it.
Michael
November 15th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
18Shawn,
You want to make sure to catch her at the most convenient time for her, not yourself - that’s the best time to approach. Don’t try it when she’s in a hurry or in the middle of conversation with others.
You’re probably going to roll your eyes at this but the best way to approach her is to be yourself. Yeah, I know, you’ve heard that before. Yeah, I know, you might be thinking, “But being myself doesn’t work!”
Trust me, it works!
Just play it cool, by which I mean don’t look nervous. Go up to her and say “Hey, you’re in my chemistry class. I’m Shawn.” She’ll respond, probably by introducing herself. When she does try to keep the conversation going using some of the techniques in the article above.
Good luck man!
Michael
November 15th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
19Syl,
Yes, it is true that asking too many questions is annoying. A conversation isn’t about asking a list of questions, it’s about giving and taking. Ask her an open-ended question (”what do you think about…”). Once she’s done responding, you respond with your opinion. Don’t simply just ask her another question.
Also, you have to read her body language to judge if she is enjoying the conversation. Is she looking at you? Are her feet and legs pointed towards you? Is she laughing? If so, she’s having a good time. Is she looking around as you both talk? Are her feet and legs pointed away from you? Those are some of the signs she isn’t enjoying the conversation.
It’s all about being able to develop a friendly exchange.
And remember, it takes practice. You’ll win some and you’ll lose some. I’ve lost a lot. But every time I lost, I learned something. Soon after, I was winning a lot more than I was losing. Keep it up and the same will happen for you!
Go make it happen bud!
When is the best time to approach a girl at school? by Advice on Girls
November 15th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
20[...] How to start a conversation [...]
Wes
November 18th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
21Since Thanksgiving is this week, is it cool to invite a girl over for thanksgiving dinner with the family?
Michael
November 18th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
22Wes,
That depends. If you’ve known the girl for a while or is she knows your family, then yes, go ahead and invite her.
However, if you have only met the girl, asking her to share Thanksgiving dinner with your family might scare her off.
Keep in mind, she probably has plans with her family too. Don’t get too disappointed if she can’t come over.
Shamus85
November 19th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
23I made the mistake of inviting a girl to dinner once. Everything was going great till she got food poisoning later that night.
It was pretty gross. She didn’t look nearly as good hunched over the toilet.
dixie-chik
November 25th, 2007 at 11:23 pm
24I totally fall for the puppy dog thing everytime.
alfred
December 4th, 2007 at 12:39 am
25Hey good tips man! But how about starting a conversation with a girl you don’t know in a bar (or nightclub). Imagine the scene were there is a lot of music and noise around, and it’s hard to talk, so you would want each sentence you make brief, and not too complicated right?
Easy
December 29th, 2007 at 12:20 am
26Hi.
Michael I am having a huge problem!. I go to a Physical Fitness place and one of the girls who works at the front desk I am very attracted to. Other than the Hi , how are you?, bye we dont speak its more of a courtesy thing.
Thing is the more I see her the more I want her.
I dont even know her name but she knows mine (through the member ID number). I have an Idea of how to talk to her, infact I am really good at starting conversations with anyone but after that I am like ….. *blank*….
What is it that I can do?
I dont know if she works out or not. I guess the scenario is I really like a girl who works at the front desk (reception). What can I do :(?
btw does this website have email notification?
Michael
January 6th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
27Hi Easy,
Sorry for the late reply. This Christmas and New Years have been busy.
Your right, that is a huge problem. A lot of guys like the girl at the front desk of a gym - apparently they’re all gorgeous!
The thing to remember here is that she probably get hit on all the time by other men who are members of the gym. This could mean she is a more difficult target.
Here’s what I would do. You said you don’t know her name. The next time you go to the front desk to check in, say something like “You know this is a little embarrassing. I’ve been coming here a while now & I don’t even know your name.” She should then introduce herself. Bam - 1st problem solved.
Here are some things to remember if you’re going to do this: Make sure she isn’t busy talking to other people or there’s a line of members waiting to check in. After the introduction, make whatever conversation you have brief - only about 1 minute. Keep the conversations short during the first few you have. What you’re doing is building up familiarity. Once the both of you know each other through these short conversations, you can graduate up to a longer one.
As far as holding a conversation, remember some universal truths. People typically like to talk about themselves. Don’t bring up politics or religion (during the first conversations), they can cause arguments. Don’t ask anything personal (do you have a boyfriend?, etc.).
I hope this helps! Good luck!
Sean
January 6th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
28hi michael my name is sean and ive read abunch of the stuff here but even though what I read what helpful I for some reason cannot hold a conversation with a girl. I read what you wrote about universal truths but I really dont know where to start, or what to say. I am totally lost on what to say. No matter what I do I draw a blank.
Can you help me?
Michael
January 9th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
29Hi Sean & welcome!
It sounds to me like you’re psyching yourself out. A good conversation flow naturally and isn’t forced. The next time you’re in this situation, take a breath and relax. If you think about it, there’s really no reason why you should worry. A girl is a human being just like you and me.
I’m willing to bet if you do calm down & put things into perspective, you will know what to say. Just talk to her like you would a friend. Ask her how her day is going. Ask her what she thinks about all this cold (hot, windy, whatever) weather we’re having. And never feel ashamed to practice in a mirror or with a friend.
Good luck man!
Jeff W.
January 19th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
30I think you’re right about the psyching yourself out stuff. I noticed when I told myself “screw it” and just went up to and talked to the girl, I got more girls to become my friend. Now I didn’t get a date with every girl I met but the number of dates I did get went up.
Good stuff.
Ash
January 21st, 2008 at 5:35 am
31Hi everyone. been looking where i could write this for a while. This is prob a good place.
Ok so about me. Im 20 and have never had a girl friend or been on a date (sad ay?) Im not ugly neither am i the best looking guy in the world, I would say im average. I just seem to be really shy when it comes to asking girls out.
My best mate is a girl and i can talk to her mates fine (but then again im not trying to ask them out on a date or anything)
Now iv got the same kinda problem that guy did who liked the girl at the gym. (how did that go by the way?)
The set up:
for the last 2 years i have seen my dad once a week and go the pub with him and his mates. This girl has worked behind the bar for nealy all the time i have been going there. The other day i noticed that she was lookin at me a few times. (No smiles just lookin every now and again).
I have also started going this pub with my best mate 2 or 3 times a week (best mates a girl remember). Does this mean that if this girl does like me she will think my mate is really my girlfriend?
Also i went in saterday with this lad and i ordered some food. I noticed the girl I like that works there brought everyones food but when it came to mine another girl brought it that works behind the bar. (Is this a bad sign?) Also when i was with my friend she didnt seem to look.
What can i do to start talking to her? She works in the back room i think cos she seems to only bring out food and collect glasses. so i cant really go and get a drink and talk to her then.
She came over to get glasses when i was with this lad and we both kinda shut up and didnt talk. I should have spoken or said something to her shouldnt I?
Plus isit wrong to start trying to hit on the girl if shes at work doing her job?
And when im with me dad i dont really want to start talkin to her. She prob thinks im sad going the pub with my dad anyways.
Right thats all i have got to say. Sorry i went on and on im just hoping you get the picture and can help me out. I really dont like talking about this kinda stuff to my friends. (Im embarised about never having a girl friend, its kinda bad at my age).
Anyways thanks for any help i might get!
Ash
Michael
January 21st, 2008 at 9:35 pm
32Hi Ash,
I’m glad you found Advice on Girls. You sound just like I did a few years ago. In fact, the description of yourself could have described me back then!
Unfortunately, I’m short on time tonight and I can’t go into a worthy response to your question - and it does deserve a worthy response. But I will write a good response tomorrow (that’s Tuesday in the States). Be sure to check back then!
In the meantime, take heart. I’ve been where you are (I was a late bloomer too) and I was able to overcome my fear.
You’ll conquer this fear of yours! We’ll do it together!
Check back tomorrow!
Michael
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:54 pm
33@ Ash,
Sorry for the delay. Here’s my advice:
You have got to stop being embarrassed about your situation (that you have not yet had a girlfriend). Notice I said “yet” because you can and will get one someday. If you can get over your embarrassment, you’ll get a girlfriend sooner rather than later.
So, exactly how is embarrassment holding you back? It all comes down to fear. You’re afraid of being embarrassed. You’re afraid that if someone knows you haven’t had a girlfriend before they’ll think you’re less of a man. Ash, listen to me. I mean really listen…
Having a girlfriend doesn’t make you a man. Having all you’re friends think you’re the coolest or a “player” doesn’t make you a man. What makes a man, a real man, is his ability to overcome fear. It’s the ability to overcome obstacles in his life that makes you a man.
Ash, this fear (of being embarrassed, of getting rejected, etc.) is your obstacle that you must overcome. So how do you overcome it? The answer is simple but most guys are too afraid to try it. Here’s how it’s done: Choose to not be afraid. That’s all there is to it.
Look Ash, you have a ton of options that can help you. Your best friend is a girl. Choose to not be afraid of what she will think of you and tell her your situation. I’m 100% certain she’ll be more than happy to help you and give you advice from a woman’s perspective. She won’t make fun of you. As far as the girl you like, unless she’s the shallowest person on Earth, she doesn’t think you’re sad because you go with your dad to the pub. The reality is girls think that type of thing is sweet.
And yes, when you were at the pub with the lad you should have said something to her. You didn’t say anything to her because you were afraid. Again, you must overcome this fear. If you don’t, it will haunt you for a long, long time. The good news is that you can overcome it. It’s actually easy to do. Just have faith in yourself. The next time you see her, talk to her. Use the examples in the post above and get some advice from your friends. The worst case scenario that can happen is that she isn’t interested. If that’s so, guess what? You’ll live. What you might not realize is that if she isn’t interested you will more than likely get over it in about 3 days.
Talk to her Ash. And be sure to let me know how it goes.
Best of luck pal!
Ash
January 24th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
34Hey thanks for the advise! Was going to talk to that girl in the pub tonight, was hoping she would serve me at the bar. I have worked me self up and everything! was going to ask her about how she must have musles cos the beer pumps look quite hard to pump. (bit of a crap convo, but at least its better then no convo lol) But instead she looked straigh past me and served some old guy next to me, then she went into the back to do something.
So she wont bring the food when i order some even though she took everyone elses and she walks off when im next at the bar lol Have i done something thats turned her against me? lol
Im going again saterday with me mate again so ill try talk to her then.
Anyways thanks for your last reply. hope to here from u soon.
Michael
January 28th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
35Hi Ash,
From the way you put it, that is odd behavior. Unfortunately, I’m not with you when this happens so I don’t know exactly what’s going on. It could be she’s anti-social, afraid to talk to you because she likes you (yes it does happen), or that you make her feel uncomfortable (do you stare at her too much?).
It could be anything.
But whatever the case, you have to talk to her. Good or bad, you’ll finally have you answer and be able to move on. You’ll grow personally and as a man for your courage. And the next time you see a girl you like you’ll have an easier time talking to her.
Good luck!
dildisdanfranko
January 29th, 2008 at 12:10 am
36Michael,
i need to know how to talk to a girl i dont know but already met, and there arent any talking props, shes not interested in any of her surrondings (work lol) basically worst case scenario…
Michael
January 29th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
37Hi dildisdanfranko,
I’m going to call you “Dan” for short.
First, there are always talking props - you just have to get creative and find them.
Also, it would help if you shared a little more (where she works, her age, how you met, etc.).
But I’m going to take a shot at your question anyway.
Dan, if you work at the same place as she does, ask her how work is going. Ask her about a unique shirt, shoes, pants she happens to be wearing. Talk about the weather. There’s hundreds of subjects to talk about and I’m willing to be she’s interested in at least one of them. The trick is to overcome your fear, toss a subject out there, and see how she responds to it. If she responds positively, then pursue that conversation. If negatively, then try another subject.
Just remain calm and everything will be OK.
Good luck!
dildisdanfranko
January 29th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
38thanks man and when should i ask and how should i ask her to be my girlfriend
Michael
January 31st, 2008 at 10:17 pm
39Dan,
WHOA!!!
Hold on there pal. You don’t want ask her to be your girlfriend when you don’t even know her. If you do, she’ll get weirded out because you came on too strongly too soon.
First, start by just getting to know her. Stick with the game plan we talked about before. Ask her some general questions. Remember, the goal right now is to establish a relationship (a friendly, conversational relationship - not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship).
Start slow man.
Eric
January 31st, 2008 at 10:32 pm
40Hey Mike,
I need some help in a situation that I’m in with my girlfriend right now. We’ve just gotten out of a rough patch in our relationship and im finding it hard to start conversations with her because she isn’t always willing to keep the convo going. There are also awkward silences when we’re together which i find is the most difficult time to start a convo with her. Can you help me with my situation?
Michael
February 6th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
41Hi Eric,
That is a tough situation - I’ve been there before. Since I don’t know what the rough patch was (another girl, not enough attention, etc.) I unfortunately am not able to give too specific of advice. But here it goes…
If your girlfriend isn’t willing to keep the conversation going, it’s probably because she doesn’t want to talk at that time. She might need a little space right now after the rough patch the both of you went through. That’s especially true if she feels she has been wronged.
Tell her this: That you really care about her but that you’re getting the impression she needs some space. That’s OK with you because you really care about her and want what’s best for her.
Go with that and see how she responds. Good luck!
A coward
February 8th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
42This site is pretty amazing! I’m going to try some of these things very soon. I was hoping you could give me some personalised pointers…
There is a girl in one of my classes in college (yup, Im in college and I still have a lot of trouble talking to women) that I really like but I’ve messed up a couple of times. I have a usual seat in the lecture which is one seat away from hers. There is an empty seat between us. I sit on one end of the row and she on the third seat from that end.
One bright day I entered lecture and saw her on the second seat from the corner (most of the row was pretty much empty), and …. my brain started whizzing. I could almost hear it. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I went and sat in a different row.
The next lecture situation was back to normal, and after class, we both walked out, pretty much next to each other, and were together for a 3 minute walk to the same restaurant we both ended up going to. Again, believe it or not, I couldn’t say a word. After we got our food and sat in different places to eat. She was alone, but I had found a person I knew.
I know all this shows that I was very rude with her, but I just didn’t have the confidence of talking to her. I would do anything to mend this mishap. What can I do???
Ray
February 11th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
43Mike
I go to UBC and there is this chick in my class who’s pretty damn hot. She’s indian (as am I) and I’ve talked to her twice. The class is once a week (3 hrs long) and when i miss talking to her one class, I have to wait a WHOLE agonizing week.
The first time I bumped into her at the school coffee shop and asked her how she likes the class, about assignments, etc.. She was friendly, smiling, asked a couple of questions, said “bye i”ll see you in class” and asked my name as well. I did good during this encounter but missed out on talking to her the next two weeks. Chicken shit me never said anything because i like her so i don’t know what i should do.
I also talked to her on the way out of class, today, and we walked and talked, about some shirt she was looking for, and a couple other things. I said bye and i’ll see you next class. I was nervous and did not know what move to make.
Mike— What should I do next week when i see her. Should I ask her to go for coffee, just ask regular questions during the break, wait for her after class, look at her and smile, walk past her and give a gift for valentines.
What about valentines gift, by a secret admirer. Would this help. Or should I just chill.
What about giving a note b/c i am shy, a bit. I can do it verbally but just tell me what my options are.
Michael
February 11th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
44Hi “A Coward”.
First, I’m going to call you Cow because I don’t like the name “A Coward”. You are not a coward; you just need a little nudge in the right direction.
Second, I’m glad you like the site!
OK, now for your question. Don’t feel bad because you’re in college and have trouble talking to girls. It was towards the end of my college before I felt comfortable talking to them. And here’s a secret - most college guys are afraid to talk to girls; they just don’t show it. That’s what you have to do - not show it. When you start talking to a girl you like, it’s natural to feel scared. The trick is to not show her any visible cues (physically or verbally) that you are scared.
Cow, I’m not going to lie to you. You passed up a great opportunity by not talking to her while you were walking & at the restaurant. But the good news is that you have plenty of great opportunities ahead of you. She sits just one seat away from you, right? Every class is a new chance to get over your fear. I would suggest asking her how she likes the class, how did she do on a recent test, or even her name if you don’t know it.
Just remember that she is only a person. She’s not the end-all-be-all of girls. She’s like every other girl you pass while walking on campus. That’s the mindset you need to have; it will make talking to her less stressful.
So go give it a shot man! Just lean over to her at class and say, “How are you liking the class?”
Good luck!
Michael
February 11th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
45Hi Ray,
Don’t psych yourself out. You’re doing great! Never feel like you have to “make a move” in your situation. The semester has just started so there’s still a lot of time left. And keep in mind that sometimes rushing a move can make put her on the defensive.
Now I don’t know this girl, but I’m going to give you the best advice I can from personal experience and experience from friends. I would hold off on getting her a valentine present. A move like that, while bold, can make a girl that you’ve only talked to twice feel uncomfortable. However, she might be the type of girl that would like that sort of thing. If that is the case, I suggest you buy that shirt she was looking for, give it to her, and say “I was at the mall and saw this. So I figured what the heck!”
Again, if it were me, I wouldn’t go the gift route just yet.
The next time you see her, just ask regular questions during the break. The idea is to first establish a friendly relationship where she thinks your fun/funny/trustworthy. Focus on that for the next class. Then for the class after that, I suggest you ask if she wants to get together at the coffee shop to study for the class. That’s a good way of getting to know her outside of the classroom and lets her see a different side of you. That’s when you can show her your funny side (girls like funny & laughter). It’s also a great way of establishing that trust.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
Simon
February 14th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
46Hey Mike,
Im in 9th grade, and theres this hot girl in my class, and shes the type of girl that if you do something really bad, or weird, she`ll get mad,and i want to start a conversation with her, but, im afraide she`ll get mad or something, she stays with her group or friends,( im not in it) but every day, i have this french class, and fortunatly i sit right beside her.So that makes 1 hour a day.Hope you can help me, plz reply.
Simon
February 14th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
47and also, i have no idea what to say to start a conversation with her,
Michael
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:42 pm
48Hi Simon,
Sorry for the late reply. I’ve been really busy with work and my girlfriend. Anyway, such a late response to your question is inexcusable. I just want you to know I’m sorry.
As for your question…
High school is a weird time when most people are super concerned with how other people view them. I’m not saying that’s right or a good thing, it just usually happens to be true. So it goes to say that the cards are unfortunately stacked against you that you are not in her group of friends. High school girls are more likely to date a guy if she is already friends with him or if her friends like the guy.
But I’m not saying don’t try. You should try. You have 1 hour everyday to make her your friend. Give it a shot. You say you don’t have any idea on how to start a conversation with her. If that’s the case you should read the post above. Just remember this, she’s just a girl. There’s no reason to become nervous or afraid around her. Treat her like she’s a normal human being and talk to her. You might just surprise yourself.
Best of luck Simon!
Simon
March 5th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
49Thx man and ill try
Simon
March 6th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
50im back, your props are great, but there isnt really any for my situation.I mean, im in the class, where u have to be quiet most of the time,but today, we went wall climbing with the outdoor option class, and her group of friends aint in them, so i had 2 hours with her, it was great, and i think im growing a friendship with her.So, what next?
Michael
March 11th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
51Simon,
That’s great dude! Congrats.
What’s next is for you to keep building that friendship / relationship. You mention you’re in class that has to be quiet most of the time. But that’s during class time. What about before class and after. Use that time to talk to her. If that means you have to get to class early, then do it.
The goal now is to keep the momentum going that you established in your outdoor option class.
Good luck man!
Justin
March 28th, 2008 at 12:24 am
52Hi Michael
There’s this girl that I’ve known at school in my grade for a few years but we don’t talk much at all. However, we are friends and say hi and bye once a while. We started having back contact this year. Lately I went to a party and she happened to be invited too, we took group pictures and she seemed to try to stay close to me when she takes pictures. I’ve also been paying more attention to her more than previous years. The problem is, there seems to be an awkward barrier between us…shes not really the aggresive type so am I suppose to go talk to her? I guess I’m more on the shy side and I have difficulties starting a conversation and continuing it. Hi and Byes seem to be as far as its going. I have no idea what to say to her or keep her interested. Even if I do start a conversation, how do I continue it…? If she were in my classes it would be easier but there isn’t so I can’t ask for homework or help her in subjects.
Can you give me some advice please?
Michael
March 29th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
53Welcome Justin!
First, I’m not sure what you mean by “back contact.”
Second, yes you should be the one to initiate the conversation. Typically, (not always but usually) girls like guys who aren’t shy. They like guys with confidence.
As far as how to continue a conversation, try talking about some of your hobbies. Talk about how fun the party was that the both of you attended. Ask her if she got some good pictures from the party. Ask her if you can look at them sometime.
There’s always plenty of stuff to talk about. You just got to get those creative juices flowing before hand and then go up and talk to her.
It really is that simple.
Good luck man!
"joe"
April 4th, 2008 at 4:59 am
54hey michael,
i hav a bit of a small problem
firstly, im in the 9th grade and can talk to most girls pretty easily, keep calm, and keep the convo goin for as long as i want. howevr my problem is askin girls out.
therz this pretty girl who im gr8 friends with, and who i talk a lot with. i want to ask her out, but am too embarrassed to because of various reasons. some of my grade alredi suspect i like her, both of us know bout these rumours and it gets in the way sumtimes. like today, i wuz gonna ask her out on the bus were we wont b overheard because of so the noise. thn, outta nowhere anothr girl cums out, talks 2 us bout the rumours about us and we both bcame reeli embarrassed.
thers also anothr supposed rumour which the girl i like askd me about. she askd me if i had heard any rumours, and aftr a few wrong guesses, she told me. the rumours say im a flirt and talk a lot to anothr girl who is sum1’s sistr. i deny the rumours truthfully.
wen she talks 2 me, we both always smile at each othr and laugh, and are comfortable round each othr. i wanna ask her out, but can u giv me some tips? its a week bfore the holidays where i am. also, will the rumours about us affect anything?
thx, from “joe”
PS, plz reply within 2 days, coz its the last weekend bfore the holz, 1 week of skool left.
Michael
April 4th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
55Hi Joe,
Sounds to me like she is interested in you. The embarrassment that she feels (and that you feel too) is most likely a result of your age. Both of you are in the 9th grade, which means high school. Every single high schooler I have ever known, including myself back in the day, gets shy / embarrassed when they’re around people they like. This is especially true when her friends and your friends start to come into the picture. From your description of the situation, I would say that I’m 90% certain she’s interested in you.
That means the rest (the asking her out part) should be a piece of cake for you.
Here is my suggestion. If you can catch her when she is alone, tell her that the two of you should celebrate that school is ending by grabbing some ice cream (or coffee, etc.). Basically, you’re asking for a date without actually using the word “date.” Just phrase it like, “Hey [girl's name], this last week of school was rough on me. I’m glad it’s over. How about you and I go grab some ice cream to kick off the start of summer?” Just remember to remain calm and not nervous (which you apparently have no problem doing) while you ask her.
If you can’t get her alone, just ask her for her number. Once you have it, call her and use the same line. If you don’t already have it, a good way to get her number is to say something like, “Hey it’s been real fun hanging out with you this year. Let’s trade numbers so we can hangout during the summer.”
P.S. The rumors should affect anything negatively. In fact, the rumors signal to me that both your friends and her friends know that the both of you like each other.
Good luck Joe!
Michael
April 4th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
56@ Joe,
Sorry. In that last part I meant to say…
P.S. The rumors should NOT affect anything negatively.
Ash
April 5th, 2008 at 11:12 am
57Hey Micheal i just left a big comment, but its not showing up! lol does this mean im going have to type it all again lol
Ash
April 5th, 2008 at 11:47 am
58Ok that comment came up straight away so i think ill have to type it out again!! lol
Anyways How you doing Micheal? Its me Ash from up the page abit, I asked about the girl in the pub, the one that didnt serve me or nothen and seemed to act abit weird, lol anyways forget about her lol
Im still the same (not had a girlfriend or anything) But i would say im more confident.
Anyways heres what i would like some info on,
I am currently half way though a 2 week course which is helping me to get a good CV and things to help me get a job, cos atm iv not got one!!
And at this course there is a trainnee girl that works there and is helping us with CVs and stuff. Shes fit and i want your help
The class i am in is mostly full of 20 to 25 year olds. Im kind of the loud mouth of the class, like to let people know if i dont agree if you get me lol i talk alot!! And anyways im always asking when that girl is coming in and sayin go get her teach us, always sayin shes fair fit! and so on.
So im guessing she will know i like her cos i think everyone else in the building knows lol
I like to joke around with her and when she asks us lot what we are doing at the weekend i reply with things like ‘nothen much, y? u coming out?’ (but because im still kinda shy i laugh after making it sound like another joke) and so shes laughs and says no.
Now i dont know if this means anything but i hope you can tell me,
When on the pc there was others that needed help with there cv and there was me that didnt really need help, she asked if i was ok and sat with me and helped me make it better, so she came to me first lol
She notices what im wearing, She once said ‘they are nice jeans’ and ‘what make is that on ur top’
She noticed a supermarket needed new staff and told me about it, dnt think she told anyone else
She knows someone that is after staff for his business and i gave her my CV, she had 3 other CVs but said mine is the best one and she will defo get me an interview.
Are they good things??? Does she like me? lol
Ash
April 5th, 2008 at 11:48 am
59All my class mates are saying that im a girl cos iv not asked her out, and have said we are like a marryed couple lol
Anyways bad bit!!! I think she may have a boy friend as i heard another girl ask if John was going on a trip with her. think iv heard someone say about her boy friend as well but i dont know.
I have a week left on this course and that girl is only here for the next 2 day!!! Any ideas what i can do?
For some reason i really like this girl, lol
Do i say to another staff member to get me in there with her, or ask the staff member if shes likes me, do i ask this girl for her number, or ask her to go out one night?
If she says shes got a boyfriend i could come out with something like well i was only asking you out sometime, not a date lol
I duno but help me some how plzzzzzzz Iv only got 2 days left, then prob wont see her again, lol
Sorry for the long comment, and hope it make sence, im crap when it comes to describing things lol
Ash
Ash
April 5th, 2008 at 11:50 am
60Anyways bad bit!!! I think she may have a boy friend as i heard another girl ask if John was going on a trip with her. think iv heard someone say about her boy friend as well but i dont know.
I have a week left on this course and that girl is only here for the next 2 day!!! Any ideas what i can do?
For some reason i really like this girl, lol
Do i say to another staff member to get me in there with her, or ask the staff member if shes likes me, do i ask this girl for her number, or ask her to go out one night?
If she says shes got a boyfriend i could come out with something like well i was only asking you out sometime, not a date lol
I duno but help me some how plzzzzzzz Iv only got 2 days left, then prob wont see her again, lol
Sorry for the long comment, and hope it make sence, im crap when it comes to describing things lol
Ash
Ash
April 5th, 2008 at 11:51 am
61Had to add it in 2 comments! sorry its so long, but i really hope you could help me before tusday (in UK) lol
Thanks
again
Ash
April 5th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
62oooo sorry i didnt know id added it twise, it kept sayin i had already added it but i couldnt see it, thats why i took on the first line on the second one so it would add, anyways yeh sorry,
gosh i leave to many comments!!
David
April 6th, 2008 at 10:37 am
63Michael,
This is a great site…very helpful!
Although I’ve read through all of the comments/questions on this page, I am still a little unsure about how to approach women. Are women always receptive to random guys going up to them and asking compliments/random questions/smalltalk? I just think that if I were to go and try to do something like that women might think I’m weird or something…
Also, if possible, could you please make a few sample dialogs of initial conversations with women, in a few different situations? I think this would be helpful for those [like me] who need some examples of good opening conversation/smalltalk…
Ericy
April 8th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
64Hey Michael, I really like the tips up there! I could really use them!
although, I really couldn’t find a solution for my problem…
there is this girl…who’s apparently taller than me! over 6.5 I believe…
and I’m only 6.3~6.4.well that doesn’t really matter…right?
anyway, I met saw her at this hockey game between school teachers and grads, and since then…I’ve been behaving differently. I guess I REALLLLY like! at school, I really wanted to say “hi” to her! (to start the conversation) and talk of stuffs…but every time when I had a PERFECT CHANCE (she sat beside me in cafe during the lunch! ALONE!) I Chickened out and sat there without saying anything!
I really need something to keep myself focused and brave…like I’ve been thinking of WHAT to say to her lately but couldn’t come up with one.
I am really lost…even though all I have to do is to start a converstaion…
it seems too hard for me!
Do you have any advices for a person who always chickens out even when he had a perfect chance to speak? I am very lost…
please help me Michael! I Really don’t want to miss this one…
I had too much painful memories with girls through out the last few years…. please help me!
Michael
April 13th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
65@ Ash,
Hi Ash, it’s nice to hear from you again! Sorry for the late reply. Work has been hectic lately.
I know this is late but you can use this knowledge to help you in the future.
To be honest, I do not have enough information to form an opinion if she is interested in you. But think of it this way, if the whole class knows you like her - then she probably knows too.
Personally, I am always hesitant to get involved with a girl that already has a boyfriend. There’s just too much drama in that type of situation for a guy like me.
I know this really isn’t an answer. For that particular situation, you are the best judge of what you should do. Not me. Whatever it is you decide… good luck with it!
Take care man.
Michael
April 13th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
66@ David,
Thanks for the nice words David!
To be blunt, women are not always receptive to a random guy approaching them and starting a conversation. In fact some women are even annoyed by it (probably because it happens to them all the time or they have a boyfriend).
I’m not going to lie to you David. You (and every other man) will at one point or another “annoy” or “get rejected” by a woman you are trying to approach. It’s just a fact of life. But that doesn’t mean you should be afraid to do it. It’s the act of doing it (approaching and starting a conversation with a woman) that makes you a better man. Because each time you try, whether you succeed or fail, you are improving yourself. Each time you will get a little more comfortable at doing it. Eventually, (like me) it will become second nature and you’ll find yourself having nice conversations with all sorts of women. Some (not all, but some) will turn into dates or great friendships. So don’t worry so much about being perceived as “weird.” When you see a woman that you would like to have a conversation with, go up to her and start one. Sometimes you just got to say “screw it” and overcome your fear by doing it. Just be nice, respect her personal space, and if she’s interested in talking you will know because the conversation will flow very smoothly.
As far as the sample dialogs go, I have a few starter pieces at the beginning of this post. I am hesitant to write out a script because the best, most honest conversations come from within yourself. Remember, approaching a woman is about being you; not about memorizing a script.
Good luck David!
Michael
April 13th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
67@ Ericy
Hi man! I know from personal experience how painful old memories can be. The good news is that they don’t have to haunt you anymore.
What you have to do is both easy and at the same time hard. You have to say “screw it!” and get over your fear. It’s all in your head dude. You’re just psyching yourself out.
Get mad at your fear. Tell it, “Hey, I’m sick of you! I’m tired of you dictating my actions. I’m tired of you affecting my life. I’ve had it! No longer will I let something as small and pathetic as you, Fear, to keep me from living a happy life! Screw you Fear! I’m talking to this girl!”
Ericy, you’ve got to realize that right now, you are the only thing holding you back. The easiest way to overcome your fear is to simply let it go. Get mad at your fear - that’s what I did. I got so mad at it that I talked to my first girl just to spite my fear. And you know what, it worked. After that first time (which didn’t end successfully) I felt like I could do it again with a different girl… and I did. Then it just got easier and easier!
Just try it Ericy. I promise, no matter what the outcome, you’ll be a better person because of it.
Good luck man!
David
April 16th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
68Wow, thanks, Michael! I’ll give it a shot!
James
April 17th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
69Hey Michael,
This is a nice column you have here.Its really nice helping everyone out.I hope I am not being tiring by going through my problem as well.I’m 15 years old going to HighSchool.I was just doing what I use to do everyday, when a girl came onto me and said a friend of hers likes me etc.So I went over and talked to her, I really don’t have trouble with these, I do not have anything to lose afterall, do I?
It was a short conversation but I managed to get her name and REALLY notice that she liked me(body language talks on its own).But then, when it comes at starting conversations I really do suck.I am not a good conversation starter, I know a lot about opening topics but I am rather silent unless I notice something going on that time and talk about it, but I can’t always expect that.
I tried to open a topic on something we have in common, yet we do not have much in common like music etc, but I really enjoy being with her.
What do you suggest?
Regards,
James.
Ash
April 18th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
70yehhh i rekon thats my problem, cos i can talk, talk and talk some more! jus when its comes to girls im like hmmmm, but if someone else is talkin to them then i can easily start chatting lol
ahhh yeh i didnt ask that girl i was to busy gettin her help me with me work lol
when at the course i noticed people had sent them thank you cards, one person had sent 2, 1 to everyone that worked there and 1 to that girl.
so i thought hmmm gd idea!! lol i write a card to everyone, then one to her sayin thanks blah blah blah, PS txt me with me mobile number.
lol
Worth a shot init, she didnt txtbk though. but ahh well.
Im workin with her sis now though so im kinda hoping she dont tell her about the card else im going get some stick me thinks lol. ahh well i like a laugh,
Anyways thanks Micheal, ill get back to you next time i have a problem lol
ooooo going town monday night!! could always try pull up there
lol
Thanks
lets try
April 29th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
71Hi Michael,
I am really impressed by ur helping nature and positive attitude to help shy guys like me in advice to talking to gals..
thanxxx again dude.
lets try
April 29th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
72I lik a gal in my office building. just able to see her sometime at cantin.
sometimes (very rarely) our eyes cross each other.
I dont know how to talk to her and also am leaving this job in few days(3 days)…
wat shud i do and how shud i be in touch with her…
pl. advise asap.
thanxx again
lets try
April 29th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
73Hi Michael,
I lik a gal in my office building. just able to see her sometime at cantin.
sometimes (very rarely) our eyes cross each other.
I dont know how to talk to her and also am leaving this job in few days(3 days)…
wat shud i do and how shud i be in touch with her…
pl. advise asap.
thanxx again
chant
April 29th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
74hey Michael,
I found your advice very very useful. I appreciate the great job you have been doing. Before i could go out and implement these, I would like to explain my case. I am from India (why i mentioned country is that chicks here are not so open and fast as in western countries) and work with some Bank of XXX. There is this girl who joined 1 month back in our company.. She looks good and her hair turns me on. Some how I just cannot resist myself staring at her .. I want to intiate conversation with her .. but i dont have enough guts to do so. All we know about each other is we are employees of same company. we have this communicator which we can use to communicate with any other employee .. do you want me to directly say HI and start .. but I fear of being rejected .. what if she says “no sorry i dont talk to strangers” .. can you please suggest on where/how to start and give me some confidence … ?
Thanks a ton
josh
May 1st, 2008 at 5:39 pm
75hey i need some help i really like this girl in my class but im shy and not a very good looking person, what do i do.
josh
May 1st, 2008 at 5:50 pm
76and is it diffrent in highschool cause im a freshman right now
MoeHammered
May 2nd, 2008 at 2:55 am
77Hi, i loved ur article, was gr8 to read, very enlighting but in my case i think i need help, mostly in understanding girls:P….
You see i wouldn’t say im not confident to talk to girls, but im not confident to talk to girls that are around people i dont know, like girls that sit in massive groups, i would do it if i didn’t psych myself out…
im in high school and want ur personal advice, here’s my situation….
im in Yr11, 16, have a brother same age as me yr10 (not twins just a long story…) and most of the girls i wanna talk to are always bringing my bro into the convo, example, this girl i like was really friendly to me when she arrived at my school, but since the mid semister holidayz she doesnt wanna talk to me but when she does its about my bro :Z…
Also my mate just keeps making me psych out by mentioning her to me too much… Anyway i dnt think she’s like a end of the world girl (gotten over 3…) but just want advice on this, also she liked the music that i listened to that was on my ipod…
MoeHammered
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:04 am
78Its me again but with my second need of knowledge from the gr8 Michael
now wat i want u too understand about me is i have this care-free attitude where if it bothers me i just pass it and dont care (including female attraction) but i want to kknow this, should i date girls for the mere experience, i mean u know not just go for her because she’s the one…
also is dating girls for example in yr 9 or 10 okay (im in yr11), and wat u sed about high school being a time where ppl worry about wat they’re thought of, its true.
Michael is my care-free or dont care attitude an advantage, because i feel it would be if i could control it, like when im around girls i know or girls who aren’t stubborn, ubnocscous, or in a way thick headed, because i like to talk about smart things, stupid habit of mine that i can control but sometimes ocassionally dnt. please help me with this point as i feel it is wat might be dragging me down…
MoeHammered
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:13 am
793rd out of my forth advice need…sry michael about this just was convinient for me to find you wen i was thinking i wasn’t confident enough
Now im into computers mostly the gaming side of it, and to say how big basically hardcore gamer who owns all sony consoles… im not happy bout it but i know how to hide it when im around girls… now with that point about the starting of a convo im not gr8 but can manage that bit depending on timing, but its the flow… im too smart and to say how smart i am, i once starting talking about how the earth would be doomed if a 2cm black hole fell into the ground, in COMPLETE DETAIL!!!…(this wasnt to a girl though…thank god:P)but with girls im blank like i can try and use thing which relate to me but than they just dnt talk, they answer me as short as possible than talk to the guy in front of me or next to me… this kills my confidence all the time
now i want u to tell me wat i should do about this, i be myself but i cant reveal all my self because than they’re dizzy from trying to think of wat im talking about lol, please i want advice because my confidence is something which happens to fall into my dnt care attitude…
MoeHammered
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:33 am
804th and final part of my need for advice
now the thing is i diffenately now this girl likes me or would definetaly like to be my girlfriend, because wat i will tell u would make it the obvious of obvious clues to someone liking u
k it started i think in yr 10, i was in her science along with another girl who was one of the 3 i got over who i thought were the ‘one’ everytime the class would be empty or small because of ppl going to excursion or any other reason we’d sit together ‘coincidently’ and she’d talk to me about anything…anything n everything! and well ive been building our relationship for about a yr now and guess wat, coincidently she’s in my Ancient history, business studies, and general maths class, and in history i was forced to sit nxt to her.
well to say wat happened in yr 10, to cut it short, near the end of yr 10, she ‘touched’ me, and i ‘touched’ her, but there were limits… and she seriously liked talking to me, i dnt have to try talking to her (if only all girls were like that from the start :P) and i started to find myself annoyed. lol anyway today she has a guy in her life and i think she had one last yr 2 (around the time we were ‘touching’) and she still doesn’t mind ‘touching’ me, but i’ve held bak because i dnt want to do that to the other guy, but Michael, should i go for her if she wants to because i seriously wouldnt mind being with her, problem is i need guidance
Thanks in Advance Michael
P.S please dnt think of me as a bad guy or player or wat ever, just these events i need help on because they dwell in my mind, and i also cant wait to try some of these methods in the post above (because its the weekends now for me) and if a girl says “if you had a goatee like your brother it would look hot” (repeated exactly as heard) is that good or bad?
ian
May 6th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
81hi mike. i am a senior high school student in pretty good shape, tall,average looking. i`ve never had a girlfriend but i worked up the courage to talk to a confident, attractive, funny girl i like. i’ve been hanging out with her a bit, but I feel awkward around her its like shes out of my class. also i dont know how to take things further. if she “likes” me back her body langague isn’t showing but i do know she likes a few other guys for sure. I really need help!
ian
May 10th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
82I think mike ditched the site. (he hasn’t posted for a month)
Jacob_2010
May 14th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
83Hello Michael,
I am currently in the 10th grade almost the 11th. My problem is that I honestly am a good looking guy just lack the ways to start a conversation. There is a girl that I have only been on one date with and she seems to like me, but I just don’t have anything to talk about after the first hour we start to get these awkward silences on the phone. Plus to add on to this, she lives an hour away from me. My question is that I would like to figure out how to keep the conversation going and what a girl likes in seeing in a guy. Please reply.
Michael
May 19th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
84@ James
Hi man. Thanks for the nice comments, I really do appreciate it (more than you know). Sorry for my extremely late response but keeping up with work, education, girlfriend, and life keeps me pretty busy. My attention to the site has suffered. For that I am sorry.
First, you are absolutely right - you don’t have anything to lose. Also, I want to point out that you are doing something right and courageous - you talked to the girl. You hear that all you other guys? That’s how it’s done! Just do what our man James did. Say “screw it” and simply go talk to her.
About your question about starting a conversation, I know it’s tough when you don’t seemingly have anything in common. But I’m willing to bet you do have at least one thing in common. Next time try starting a conversation just by asking her open ended questions about her likes. For instance ask her what she did this weekend, what are some of her favorite movies, etc. She’s bound to name a movie you like to. And then, Bam! Instant fuel for a conversation.
Good luck James!
P.S. I’m going to answer everyone’s question here. It might take me a few days but I WILL answer every one of them.
Thanks for reading!
Michael
May 19th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
85@ Ash
Sorry mate. That the old saying is true, sometimes you win and sometimes you don’t. But what really matters is that you showed up to play the game! That’s the honest truth. You’re a better man for having tried. I recognize your courage and salute you!
Good news, there’s always another girl!
Hope to hear from you soon!
Michael
May 19th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
86@ Let’s Try
Hi man. Thanks for the nice words!
Sorry I couldn’t get to your question in time. Unfortunately I don’t have much information from you to be much help. As such my only advice is this: go up to her and say something like, “Hey, I always thought you were interesting and now since I’m leaving I wished I would have known you a little better. Here’s my number. Give me a call if you feel like grabbing some coffee sometime.”
That’s it. It’s simple and she’ll get the point.
Good luck dude!
Michael
May 19th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
87@ Chant
Welcome man!
I know it can be frightening to talk with this girl. But you’re psyching yourself out. Don’t worry about being rejected. If she’s not interested, so what? Does that make you less of a man? No it doesn’t. In fact, it makes you a better man because you had the courage to try. Most men are to scared to try, so they live their lives in quiet desperation wishing things were different. Wishing for a second chance to go back and try.
Don’t be that guy. Just go up to her and say “Hi.” It’s that simple. You need to do this Chant. You need to do it for yourself. When it’s all over, no matter what the outcome, you’ll be glad you did.
Michael
May 21st, 2008 at 5:52 pm
88@ Josh
Hey man. It is different because you’re in high school. The only thing you can do is go up to the girl and start a conversation. Whether or not she likes you isn’t the ultimate point. It’s you becoming a better person and asking.
Good luck man!
Michael
May 21st, 2008 at 6:08 pm
89@MoeHammered
Thanks for the compliments!
I’m not sure I can totally keep up with everything you asked but I’ll try my best to answer your questions.
Regarding you comments about talking about smart things to girls and them not being interested: Yeah, most high school girls don’t care about rocket science. Now I’m not saying you should change who you are - in fact, far from it. But you should change your topic of conversation. Talking about science and black holes to girls isn’t focusing on them. You’re telling them what you want to hear. Focus on what they want to hear. Hint - it isn’t going to be a black hole.
Regarding the girl who has a boyfriend: Here’s my personal opinion, go for it. She’s obviously flirting with you. She isn’t married to this other guy. You’re both in high school. Flirt back & have some fun. Invite her out. Just be aware of the consequences (a ticked of boyfriend looking for a fight) and be willing to face those consequences.
About dating a girl that’s younger than you: If it’s legal, I say go for it. You’re 16 and she’s about 15 right? There’s nothing wrong with that. In my high school it was absolutely normal for older guys to date younger girls. A word of caution though - never, ever date anyone of an illegal age. In some states that means an 18 year old or a 17 year old guy can go to jail if “something sexual” happens with a girl that is just a year younger. Another word of advice - don’t let anything sexual happen before marriage (this keeps you out of trouble).
If you need anymore help, let me know!
Good luck!
Michael
May 21st, 2008 at 6:13 pm
90@ Ian
Hey man, I haven’t ditched the site. I’ve just been really, really busy.
That’s a tough one to call. I’m curious how you know she likes other guys. Because if it’s true and she does, then theoretically you should know she likes you.
I’m going to guess (since I don’t have enough information) that if she liked you, you would know it. Her body language would be different. Or her or one of her friends would tell you she liked you.
Now that doesn’t mean you should give up. If you want to pursue her, then do it. My advice is to not focus all your time, attention, and energy on this one girl. Open your vision to more possibilities. There are plenty of attractive girls out there.
Best of luck!
Michael
May 21st, 2008 at 6:19 pm
91@ Jacob_2010
Shoot dude, you should be rejoicing! This isn’t that big of a problem compared to most other guys. But never-the-less, I understand your frustration.
I would ask, do you need to be on the phone for 1 whole hour? Why not just ask her how her day went? That should be at least a 10 to 15 minute conversation. Then tell her how your day went. Afterwards, if there’s nothing else to talk about, just tell her that you need to go. But, and this is important, reassure her that you are looking forward to hearing from her tomorrow!
A girl likes to see confidence in a guy. The next time you see her, don’t act meek or shy. Act confident. Notice I didn’t say act like a jerk. There’s a fine line between confidence and a jerk.
Good luck!
ian
May 21st, 2008 at 7:42 pm
92thanks for the advice! you said you didnt have enough info so: i know she likes other guys cause i hang around with her a sometimes (just minor crushs nothing serious), her body lang says little to nothing cause shes generally nice to everyone and confident enough to make eye contact, flirt,ect. with everyone, and i dont think shes the kind of girl that would get a friend to tell me (just guessing there). I do know she likes me but it could just be as a friend. This next bit is important…
ian
May 21st, 2008 at 8:01 pm
93May long weekend we were at the same party and we both had an arm over each others sholder and she said i was the funniest guy she knows. Sounds good right (i dont think she was very drunk either).The problem is its a small school and everyone knows everyone else so it would be embarassing to be turned down and no there arnt that many girls that interest me cause its a fairly small town. Im looking for a subtle way of moving things in the direction I want or a fool proof way to find out if she likes me.
ian
May 21st, 2008 at 8:11 pm
94ive got an itch the party thing was coincidence and i dont want her to be weirded out if i ask her. I dont have much experience at this sort of thing so im stumped, hope you’ve got some ideas. talk to you later
Jacob_2010
May 27th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
95Hey Michael, its me again and now its a different girl. The last one didn’t like the way I started conversations as to saying so what are you up to or saying how was her day. Now I am talking to a different girl and the thing that bothers me is when I text her lets say I write a whole bunch and she barely rights anything back. But, I mean it seems all is going well since we only watched about 10 minutes of the movie that night and had a 45 minute conversation at my house. The question is how would I find out if she really likes me? Do I ask her friends?
Michael
May 29th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
96Hey Michael, its Michael… There is this girl I am attracted to at school but she is in a grade lower than I am (she is in 10th) and I never know what to do or say because we have no classes together… I only see her in the halls sometimes but thats just for a quick couple of seconds and I’ve seen her at lunch sitting with a few people I do not know (her friends assumingly)… Do I just go over and start a conversation? If so, what do I say? I do not know her name either. The thing is that when I see her in the hallways and sometimes at lunch each day I try to take advantage of any opportunity, but it seems like I either become too nervous and walk away when I am about to say “Hey” or there is no eye contact, which makes it difficult to say that or anything at all. Whenever I glance over at her (not stare at her, as I refrain from doing that) sometimes she seems kind of nervous or freaked out and other times she is looking too… have I intimidated her in some way? I also do not want to intimidate her on my approach… There are only a few days left of school and I want to try and get her number before school is out so we can hang out over summer.
… I also just got this new car so I figure thats a plus. So should I try and talk about that, … but at the same time, I don’t want it to seem like that’s my only approach or seem shallow by saying I have a new car… (Nissan Z).
Please, I need some help. Thank you for your time. I really appreciate it.
John
May 29th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
97Hey micheal, I have some kind of the same problem as the other micheal above me.
There is also for me not allot of time left before school ends, and Its been like almost 1 month since i’m really interested in this girl, shes in 10th grade , 2 years younger then me, I see her in the library at some times, but I can’t see her in the caff because I don’t eat there, The only thing I manage to do is look at her when she was looking at me, but I can’t tell from that if shes interested in me, how should I start a conversation if shes seating at a computer? Thanks.
ian
May 30th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
98me again. i was just thinking… prom is coming up (2 weeks). I dont “think” she has a date. Also when someone (not her friend) asked if i was going i said “i dont know” she was nearby and said “you are”. do u think this was a hint? and if no ones going with her should i ask her?
ian
May 30th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
99that “you are” is a “yes, you are”. just so theres no misunderstanding
Rasmus
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:49 pm
100what about at school? i have A problem with this girl i fancy i am so fucking shy
Rob401
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:02 pm
101hey i just met this chick she actually came up to me because her friends told me she likes me so they forced her to talk to me which felt awkward but i did for a bit, she goes to the school i go, but yeah, i got her phone number and i want to call her but then i dont because i dont know what to talk about over a phone, no props, no appearance, just voices. even though she likes me i feel like she will dislike me if i dont know how to talk right or something . think anyone can give me any advice?
Michael
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:50 pm
102@ Ian
Man, ask her out to the prom now! That’s the perfect opportunity to see if there’s more there with her. I don’t know for certain but the way you describe the situation it does sound like a hint.
Don’t wait, ask now. The only fool-proof way to know is to ask. But do it before anyone else does!
Let me know how it goes.
Michael
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:56 pm
103@ Jacob_2010
My experience has been that if a girl typically doesn’t say a lot, then she’s probably not interested. But that’s been my experience. That doesn’t make that true for every guy or his situation.
If you want to know if she likes you, just ask her yourself. If you ask her friends, they’ll just tell her you asked anyway. Best look like a man and ask her yourself.
Good luck!
Michael
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:02 pm
104@ Michael
That’s a tough one since I’m not there with you to read her body language. If see her in the hall and know you’re not freaking her out, just say something like, “Hey, this is going to sound bad but I see you all the time but don’t know your name. I’m Michael.” That’s one way to know her name.
After that, just chat her up as best you can in the hallway. Ask her if she wants to grab a coffee or coke. That’s as much as I can help without actually being there.
Best of luck Michael!
Michael
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:08 pm
105@ John
Hmm. That’s a new one for me. Try this: Go up to her and say something like, “You would think that someone would come up with a way to make typing on a keyboard not so annoying. Sometimes I get annoyed at my own typing because it’s so loud. Do you ever experience that?”
That just might be enough to start that conversation.
Good luck.
Michael
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:11 pm
106@ Rasmus
Hey man. First things first, let’s try to stay away from R-rated comments.
Second, I’m not sure I understand your question. If you want to know how to talk to a girl at school, the easiest way is to just go up and say “hi.”
Michael
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:15 pm
107@ Rob401
Great dude! You’ve got it easy. There’s nothing that says a phone conversation has to last a long time. Just give her a call and keep short (5 minutes or 10 minutes - whatever).
To start a conversation, say something like, “Hey, I’m glad you talked with me. But man, it was a little weird with your friends being there. I hope you weren’t too embarrassed.”
But definitely call her and soon. She’ll get offended if you don’t.
Best of luck!
Rob401
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:34 pm
108hey thanks man i was talking to her for almost an hour, she wants to meet up with me tommorrow morning so im guessing we are doing a lot better, but like her friends are always on her…how am i able to talk to her while her friends are waiting for her and she knows they are…so im afraid it can cut out her attention from or leaving from me because of her friends…this is all in school so i dont have time to talk to her much since i have no classes with her at all.
ian
June 4th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
109I’ll give it a try if i can work up the courage and get a chance to talk to her alone. Easier said than done. Just second guessing myself… she seems inconsistant with her signs and I’ve never asked someone out. If she says no it’ll be akward whenever I’m around her.
Matt
June 6th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
110Hey,
Im in high school and theres this girl in my english class who I talk to only when I have a question or she does. I want to ask her out but im kinda shy and I cant really tell if she likes me or not because sometimes when im lookin around, shes lookin at me but then she looks away or talks to her friend. Any advice?
Michael
June 10th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
111@Rob401
Yeah, that is tricky. Why don’t you try asking her out to have a cup of coffee. Make sure you mention “just the two of you.” She’ll probably get the hint and her friends won’t tag along.
High school girls can be so nosy!
Michael
June 10th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
112@ Ian
I know man, it can be awkward. But listen to my story.
In high school, there was this girl I had a major crush on for 3 year (seriously, 3 whole years from 8th grade till my junior year in high school). Finally, 2 weeks before the junior prom, I asked her if she wanted to go with me. Do you know what she said? She said “no.” That’s right, I got turned down.
Now here’s the cool thing. Before that day, if you would have asked me how I would feel if she turned me down, I would have told you I would be heart broken. But the reality was completely different. After she said “no”, I really didn’t care. That’s the honest truth!
In fact, it felt like a big weight was lifted from my shoulders because I had finally gotten the courage to ask her.
I think you’ll feel the same once you ask.
Good luck Ian!
Michael
June 10th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
113@ Matt
That a tough one to call. There’s not much information to go on.
Instead of asking her out, why not first lay the tracks for a friendship? If the only time you speak to her is during class whenever you or her have a question, I’m not certain that’s enough for her to want to go out with you.
My advice is to keep the conversation casual, for now. But have more conversations and not just about questions in class. Find out more about her and tell her more about you.
Best of luck!
John Smith
June 11th, 2008 at 8:42 am
114Hi, Michael,
I am quite good at starting conversations, I am not ugly, I am well educated, interested in almost anything (from new cults to quantum physics)… However after some chatter girls tend to loose interest in me. I have a feeling, that I annoy them or Im just dull. Could You help me with any tips or conversation structure?
I tend to ask many questions about things I am interested in.
Thank You in advance.
John Smith
ian
June 11th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
115I going to ask tommorow. I missed a good chance today. It doesnt seem like such a big deal since its all ive been thinking about the last 2 weeks. P.S. I have liked her for a few years too. Maybe things will turn out better for me than they did for you.
Michael
June 11th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
116@ John Smith
Welcome dude!
It’s hard for me to be sure but I’ll give it a shot. If you annoy them, it might be that you carry on a conversation for too long. Typically, you want your first conversation to be relatively short in duration. I’d say between 5 to 10 minutes. However, if she seems interest and the both of you are laughing and having a good time, then let the conversation go on longer. But never let it go on till the point that both of you feel awkward searching for something else to talk about. End the conversation, politely, before it gets to that point.
If you think it’s because you’re dull, the solution should be easy. Take up a new, interesting hobby like rock climbing. That should solve that issue.
Good luck John!
Michael
June 11th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
117@ Ian
Man, I hope so - I really do!
Just go up to her, stay calm, and ask. Whatever the outcome, I can promise you’ll be a better man for having asked.
Let me know how it goes!
ian
June 12th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
118Regected
ian
June 12th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
119I’m no loser and I’m not ugly but she can do better. At least I wont have to wonder; she was good about it to. Didn’t make an excuse just said, “sorry man, cant. I gotta go single.” Now I wait until she tells her friends who tell their friends, and then everyone knows. Thanks for the advice though; it’ll probably be better in the long run.
ian
June 12th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
120P.S. your right its not as bad as i would have thougt. At first I was disappointed, now it does’t seem like a big deal. Next time it’ll probably be easier to ask.
bob
June 12th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
121Hi Mike
i saw a pretty hot girl in one of my class. she sits in the row in front of me.i havn’t talk to her before and i would like to know her. however i dont know what to say….i dont want her to think i am werid or a stalker or anyting. can u give me some advice? perhaps a good conv starter? thanks
bob
June 13th, 2008 at 12:11 am
122btw its a lecture in university