The right way to start talking to girls
Posted on 09. Apr, 2009 by Kennedy in How to Talk to Girls, Increase Your Confidence
What brought you to this website? What pages have you visited so far? How do you plan on using this information to help yourself?
These are examples of open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are great for conversation starters, and they also come in handy to help extend a conversation that might have otherwise become stagnant.
Your odds of getting past the first 10 seconds of interaction increase dramatically when you start with an open-ended question.
So what is an open-ended question? It is a question that cannot be answered with simple “yes”, “no.” They require a more detailed answer.
Below are some examples of questions that are not open-ended. These questions can be answered with just one word and the kind you should avoid asking the first time you speak to a girl you like.
• How are you today?
• Do you need any help with that?
• Can I help you find anything?
• Do you come here often?
So what’s the problem with this type of closed question? In reality, nothing. The above examples are okay forms of interaction with girls. But you want more than just a basic interaction – you want a conversation.
The point is to get the girl you like to open up a little bit
Open-ended questions are great at getting girls to open up. They allow you to keep the conversation flowing.
And the best part? You can come up with your own question to fit the occasion.
For example, if you see a girl at the gym you might ask, “How do you like working out here?” But if you’re at the grocery store you might say, “I’ve never tried that fruit before, how does it taste?” I’ll give you some more examples at the end of the article to help get you started.
Now this isn’t to say you should put off close-ended questions completely. They come in handy once you find yourself conversing with a girl. Like when you ask her name (which is something you’ll hopefully ask at SOME point). You may ask a girl, “Do you like the band?” and end up sharing reasons why the concert you are at is completely awesome.
Remember, first impressions are everything, so try to have an open-ended question ready to make YOUR first impression. I’ll share some examples of open-ended questions in a later post, so be sure to check back soon.
We’d like to hear from you. Ask questions or suggest your recommendations for open-ended questions with the rest of the AoG community in the comments below. Well, don’t hesitate. Get to it!
Shy to Talk, a fan of AdviceOnGirls.com
Nish
09. Jul, 2009
I don’t have a problem going up to girls i like.
its the pressure that gets to me.
I’m able to be laid back and open ended, i just don’t have timing for asking for numbers and asking to meet up again.
And some reason at times there’s a girl i’m interested in, i have my parents or her parents are there or both! it’s like tough i don’t mind it if my parents are around (unless they screw it up) but i feel akward when her parents are around like i don’t want her to feel uncomfortable and i don’t want some evil look from her parents.
Just a teen needin help.
I’m loving this site.
doug
09. Jul, 2009
do braces hurt when kissing?
jimmy
09. Jul, 2009
I wanna talk to this girl but her friends are always around. I never can catch her alone. Any tips?
Michael
09. Jul, 2009
@ Doug
No, braces do not hurt if your kissing. If you just remember to kiss with your lips and not your teeth, everything will turnout fine.
Michael
09. Jul, 2009
@ Jimmy
The question you ask is actually very common. There are two ways of handling such a situation. The first is to bring a group of your guy friends along and all of you talk with her and her friends. It’s kind of like running interference for you. The second is to cowboy up and go talk with her and her friends yourself. If you make sure to talk with her and include her friends in the conversation, you can come out looking like a rock star.
girls
21. Jul, 2009
can u guys give me any tips to walking up and starting a conversation with a girl in a mall? like im horrible at coming up with things to just strike her interest but im amazing at keeping up a conversation. thanks!!
Kennedy
21. Jul, 2009
@ girls
You can’t go wrong with walking up to a girl and introducing yourself. Try that and see how it goes…
becs058
30. Jul, 2009
what are some topics that girls like a lot to talk about? please help!
weponX
04. Aug, 2009
I hav a friend, I met her in a chatroom, I never met her but she sometimes calls me on my phone, but I don’t really hav a good conversation wid her. I really make her bore. How do I hav a good talk wid her on phone? Can U help me in this?
Mike
05. Aug, 2009
Okay, there’s this girl that I really like and we were both at a party and she came up to me and said hey and I said hey and then I just couldn’t think of anything to say and she thought I was ignoring her and now she won’t talk to me like she used to. This is really making me depressed and really stressed out. Please help!
Michael
05. Aug, 2009
@ Becs 058 and Wepon X
You guys need to check out one of our most popular articles. It explains some great tips on how to start and hold a conversation with a girl. You can view it by following the link:
http://adviceongirls.com/how-to-start-a-conversation/
Michael
05. Aug, 2009
@ Mike
That’s rough man. Read this post to help you gain the confidence of talking with girls:
http://adviceongirls.com/how-to-start-a-conversation/
Your next step after you study the above article should be to talk with that girl. In a humorous way, apologize for being somewhat antisocial at the party. Just be honest and let her know your were a little nervous. Then invite her out to coffee.
Try that and let us know what happens!
MED
12. Aug, 2009
hI, I DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND , AN D I TEY TO START A conversation BECAUSE I CAN’T SPEAK ENGLISH VERY WELL ; I’M HERE FOR STUDY ENGLISH .
DO U RECOMMANDED SOME STEPS?
THANKS ,,,
seduisant80
13. Aug, 2009
@ Mike
Like Michael said, let her know you’re kinda nervous (but don’t let that be an excuse) Just ask her open ended questions about random things, the hard part is to get her talking about something that is interesting to her. Once you do that, the conversation will naturally flow; sometimes she will even ask you about something you are really interested in. When you respond be passionate about what you are talking about (don’t brag). They love that. Bounce Ideas off her. Don’t be afraid to just talk to her. Always make direct eye contact with her while talking. If you break it too soon, you will look shy and as if you are not paying attention/interested to what she has to say.
Speaking of which, is there an article on the “Push – Pull” technique?
Wisconsinbigdog
13. Aug, 2009
I had an amazing experience today at work…I work out in the parking lot-its how I keep my nice tan-and as I was walking out to grab some carts in the coral a pretty girl about my age was walking towards me to the store. I was kinds watching her as she got closer and at about 15 feet I started looking at her eyes…at 10 feet she looked at mine and in the space of two seconds she looked my face over and then back at my eyes and then she smiled! And it wasn’t just a I’m smiling to be nice cause I’ve gotten those before…she genuinly liked what I looked like and my looking her in the eye. At the moment I realized that while I passed her I felt a little flutter in my entire core from my stomach to the top of my lungs. Man did that make me feel good, I didn’t say anything, but I’m getting there, my first steps are gaining confidence in myself, today helped immensly and so does this site. Thank you!
Wisconsinbigdog
13. Aug, 2009
sorry for the random grammar errors, it gets kind of hard to type in the iPod touch :-/ and it makes wierd corrections on words
Michael
13. Aug, 2009
@ Wisconsinbigdog
Great job man! I’m glad we have been able to help. Just keep practicing and never let fear keep you from living a full and happy life!
willy
16. Aug, 2009
I am in luv with a gurl, how do i create a nice starts up with her.. by making her have more interest in me? any help our there?
Kennedy
18. Aug, 2009
@ willy
Start small, man. Find out some things about her – what’s her name? What does she like? Do you two have some of the same classes?
This should give you a good start for getting to know this girl and letting her feel more comfortable around you…
monster
28. Aug, 2009
@ willy
One thing if your not with her don’t be so in love with her… Cause I’m done dat and sometimes they may not like you back (I’m not being negative I’m just saying to be aware because its happened to me … Be breezy )
Wisconsinbigdog
31. Aug, 2009
Kinda of a wierd situation here…I was talking to a girl at work yesterday and at the end of my shift I said “So hypothetically, if I was to ask for you phone number, would you say no?” And she said, “Sure you can have it” So today I was texting with her a bit, and I learned that she was on her way to MN, a 7 hour drive to move her boyfriend in and then she was going to leave right away. Now I’m a bit stuck…I just learned she has a boyfriend, but he moved to Minnesota and now I’m not sure how to proceed with talking to her, do I avoid talking about him, or do I find out what she’s thinking about him, and if so how? I am planning on inviting her to the homecoming football game, even if they are still together is that okay to do?
Michael
01. Sep, 2009
@ Wisconsin Big Dog
Absolutely. She’s not married or engaged to the guy so it’s totally okay. Besides, she gave you her number for a reason. Chances are good that she’s interested.
From this point on, don’t bring up her boyfriend. Just focus on having fun with her. The rest will take care of itself.
Good job man!
Jonathan
05. Sep, 2009
So i have had a crush on this girl for about a year now but i’m to shy to talk to her. She recently just was hired by my mom at the family business. She now works in the same department that i work in. So i was helping her out one day with some things and we started talking and she seemed really interested about me.So the next time i worked with her i gave her my number and she texted me that nite. We went on a date the next nite and it was great. we’ve hanged out since then but she said a couple of weeks ago that she just wants to be friends and take it slow. Now its seems i have trouble starting conversations and keeping them going. i dont want to keep flirting with her if shes not interested but thats just the thing she does seem interested and i dont know what to do. This coming weekend were hanging out saturday and sunday so i dont know if i should tell her how i really feel but i dont want to ruin the weekend by bringing it up. Any suggestions or help would be greatly appreciated.
Chippy
06. Sep, 2009
here’s my situation hope I can get some help….
Alright theres this girl I’ve kind of know her since 7th grade… and I had a crush on her then and part of 8th grade…. then I stopped having a crush on her…. well now I’m a 12th grader and I’m crushing again. however I don’t even know where to start…. we have the same bus stop, and I keep saying I’m going to talk to her but I always wuss out…. how do I start talking to her when would it be appropite to ask her on a date (what kind of date) and would there be a possability of getting her to be my girl friend (timeline?)
Kennedy
08. Sep, 2009
@ Jonathan
Have patience, young padawan! If she wants to take it slow, then do both of you a favor and take it slow. I know you have feelings that you want to express, but there will be a better time and place to let those out – I promise. If you let that stuff fly too early you risk alienating her further and really making things difficult. I did that once in college and messed things up big time.
Just try to take it easy when you see her this weekend. Talk about how work is going, what’s going on in school, how her family is doing – that kind of thing.
Take it nice and slow, and good things will eventually come to you. Good luck man!
Kennedy
08. Sep, 2009
@ Chippy
Dude, you have all kinds of things to talk about with this girl! Find out if she’s going to college, or what she plans to do when she gets out of high school. Joke about how you two haven’t talked in forever, or how she should scoot over and let you sit next to her on the bus. Keep it simple – just get to talking to her again, then ask her out for lunch one weekend, or maybe offer to take her to a movie.
Start with these basic, and the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff will progress naturally. Good luck buddy!
Chippy
10. Sep, 2009
@ Kennedy thanks a ton dude
Mike
22. Sep, 2009
theres this girl that i really like but whenever i try to talk to her in person, i either dont have the self-confidence to go up to her or when i do talk to her i get nervous and dont know what to say. please help.
Mike
22. Sep, 2009
I meant self-esteem, not self-confidence.
Alex
26. Sep, 2009
Ok, first of all, AMAZING site. Well done. Myself as well as many others really appreciate what you do. Okay, now on to my situation. I am 18, living on my own in a one bedroom apartment and going to college for graphic design. I went to a small high school so the dating there was limited and that reason as well as the crap that goes on with every H.S. relationship kept me from having a girlfriend all of high school. Partially though, that is just an excuse i am making up because i have a very very small amount of confidence and self-esteem when it comes to starting a conversation and talking to women. Even though i know this, i still can not bring myself to actually do something about it. I have read through the articles within this site and they are great and surprisingly i feel that i have slightly more confidence now. However, i still CANNOT bring myself to just go up and talk to that girl that i walk past in the mall who i think is cute or anything of that sort.
————Example——————–
Last night i was at a party at one of my good friends houses. He has parties there every weekend. I was outside smoking a cigarette when i noticed an extremely attractive girl to my left talking about how she wasn’t around here to another girl. I saw this as an opportunity to talk to her and i asked her where she was from. We talked for i minute or two more but i got to nervous and lost the confidence i had which caused her to kinda lose interest. Everything kinda spiraled downward so to speak and i ended up not talking to her.
—————-
This was good because i actually talked to her but it was rare that i do that. I just really don’t know what to say when i start a conversation with a girl or what to say to keep it going. I know that i need to ask open ended questions and that i should ask her questions about herself but i just get really nervous and go blank when i am actually talking to her. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Michael
26. Sep, 2009
@ Alex & Mike
It’s all about practice. The more times you talk with girls, the more practice you get. The more you practice, the better you become.
It’s important to realize there isn’t a magic pill or technique. It’s all about practicing to build up your conversation skills and your self-confidence. Surprisingly, it really doesn’t take long to build up your skills, it just feels like it does.
Keep talking with girls. The example Alex gives is an excellent one. Sure, the conversation might have faltered but you left that conversation a little wiser for the next time you talk with a girl.
The trick is to not put yourself down, keep trying and before you know it; you’ll get those digits from a girl. Keep up the great work guys!
chris
27. Sep, 2009
ok, im not sure how to put this. well, there is this girl i really like at school. theres a dance comming up and i thinking of asking her out, but theres one prob, she kinda knows that i like her. how am i supposed to ask her out?
God is love
30. Sep, 2009
@ chris
you should just relax and be myself if the dance is soon i would become close with asap but dont rush into it…a day or two before the dance i’ll just say hey “i was just wondering if you was going to the dance tomorrow and if you are would you go with me
chris
01. Oct, 2009
thanks for advice! will do. =)
jair
02. Oct, 2009
man im in love with this cheerleader . but i don’t know how to start a conversation , i always look her at the eyes , but she looks at me like if shes mad or something like that ….. but i really want to talk to her .. help !!
sean
02. Oct, 2009
i ve liked this girl for a while but we kind of moved a part and she got a bf so i decide to move on with another girl…. but the girl i liked got dumped and came back too me and im torn between my dreamgirl and this other girl
playa
02. Oct, 2009
@ sean
just pick the dream girl…you wouldn’t be calling her that if you didn’t want her or like her more
monster
02. Oct, 2009
@ jair
dude your not in love just lusting i would say…but if you really want to speak to her one day just walk up to her and say ” hey i saw you cheerleading the other day ago i think you guys look awesome…(she likes cheerleading so she should like to hear that) after her response ask for her name then give her yours…if she doesn’t seem interested don’t worry about it and give it time
God is love
02. Oct, 2009
@ chris
tell how it went
chris
04. Oct, 2009
God is love
Dance isnt til this friday. going to ask her out on wed. tell you how it went on saturday. until then.
jair
05. Oct, 2009
@monster
whats lusting ??
but thanks anyway ……..
monster
05. Oct, 2009
@ jair
lusting is: to have a yearning or desire; have a strong or excessive craving
God bless!!!
Zakk
05. Oct, 2009
my girlfriend said shes miserable but she “doesnt wanna talk about it”
so the subject changed but she seems kinda “closed off” i guess you could say.
shes normally really talkative and cheerful but now she doesnt say as much and i can tell that whatever it is, its really getting to her
what should i do?
how do i get her to open up to me?
jair
06. Oct, 2009
@monster
thanks man …………
God bless ……
jr
07. Oct, 2009
i’m a sophomores…i like this girl thats in 1 of my classes.but i don’t talk to her.most of my friends know i like her. 1 of my friends with out teling me told the girl i like her she said that i’m creepy becouse i stare at her(i don’t even stare at her!!!) i don’t know what to do. what can i do to make her not think i’m creepy? shoud i bring up the fact that she called me creepy? am prety popular and people say i’m good locking but the 1 girl i like thinks i’m creepy wtf. plz help
Sniei
09. Oct, 2009
jr, try to ignore her for a while. Pretend you don’t like her no more. Do that for a while and she will be like ” wtf why isn’t he staring at me no more? ” cuz all girls say that ur creepy for staring at her while she really feels pretty when u stare at her. So pretend not to care and when u get an opportunity, project, meeting her by accident in a party, anything really don’t wait and grab it, get to know her, don’t hesitate looking at her and so cuz then she will say ur “creepy” while whats she’s really saying is that all u have courage for is to stare. Don’t let any of ur friends tell the girl u like her either next time, just let her know somehow urself. Anyway once u grab the opportunity try to look innocent and make sure she thinks ur intentions are pure so that she doesn’t think ur a perv but so she thinks u just like her (from what u say i’d guess u hav a crush on her, really bad one, since its so visible and u “stare” at her) Email me at wretchedexistance@gmail.com if u need help with anytthing
jr
10. Oct, 2009
Sniei, thanks alot for the advice…i don’t know why my friend told her i like her(i didn’t ask him to)…you think i should bring up what she said about me when i start talking with her?
Vishal
11. Oct, 2009
have a question
i have a crush on my class mate (girl)
we have done very short 10 minutes group presentation so she knows me that i am in class too and i have some how asked her no and she did……..
she asked me to help her in accounting as i told that i have already done the subject
we have our last class and i have just talked to her 2 times…
i dont know what to do………………..
i really like that girl and dont wanna let her go……………..
please help……
any help would be appreciated
thanks
vishal
11. Oct, 2009
i did message her whether she was going to come to Uni and she didnt reply me back
we have class after 2 weeks i dont know what to do till then
this will be our last class together
i need some other reason to see her after the class tooo
we have finals coming up soon
i am really confused because this is my very first time and i do get nervous talking to her as well any tips on that ???????????
will i able to see her after the class ?????????????
and what should i do now ????????????
should i write a message again regarding the help she wanted in accounting ???????????
sorry for so many questions
thanks
girl96
12. Oct, 2009
theres this girl in my class and everyone likes her and so do all my best friends but im not sure baout her? shes just emailed me to ask weather i do like her and i do but i have heard rumours that she doesnt like me and one of my other best friends and is trying to split my gang of us 5 girls up? HELP! X