The right way to start talking to girls
Posted on 09. Apr, 2009 by Kennedy in How to Talk to Girls, Increase Your Confidence
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These are examples of open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are great for conversation starters, and they also come in handy to help extend a conversation that might have otherwise become stagnant.
Your odds of getting past the first 10 seconds of interaction increase dramatically when you start with an open-ended question.
So what is an open-ended question? It is a question that cannot be answered with simple “yes”, “no.” They require a more detailed answer.
Below are some examples of questions that are not open-ended. These questions can be answered with just one word and the kind you should avoid asking the first time you speak to a girl you like.
• How are you today?
• Do you need any help with that?
• Can I help you find anything?
• Do you come here often?
So what’s the problem with this type of closed question? In reality, nothing. The above examples are okay forms of interaction with girls. But you want more than just a basic interaction – you want a conversation.
The point is to get the girl you like to open up a little bit
Open-ended questions are great at getting girls to open up. They allow you to keep the conversation flowing.
And the best part? You can come up with your own question to fit the occasion.
For example, if you see a girl at the gym you might ask, “How do you like working out here?” But if you’re at the grocery store you might say, “I’ve never tried that fruit before, how does it taste?” I’ll give you some more examples at the end of the article to help get you started.
Now this isn’t to say you should put off close-ended questions completely. They come in handy once you find yourself conversing with a girl. Like when you ask her name (which is something you’ll hopefully ask at SOME point). You may ask a girl, “Do you like the band?” and end up sharing reasons why the concert you are at is completely awesome.
Remember, first impressions are everything, so try to have an open-ended question ready to make YOUR first impression. I’ll share some examples of open-ended questions in a later post, so be sure to check back soon.
We’d like to hear from you. Ask questions or suggest your recommendations for open-ended questions with the rest of the AoG community in the comments below. Well, don’t hesitate. Get to it!
Shy to Talk, a fan of AdviceOnGirls.com
Kyle
09. Apr, 2009
Well here are some examples :p
So what do you think of our school? (If its a new girl)
How did you become interested in….?
So what did you like about…?
How did you and (insert name) meet?
What did you do last weekend? (If they didnt do anything this one could be considered non-open i suppose :p)
and yeah, thats all i got off the top of my head.
Michael
09. Apr, 2009
@ Kyle
Those are excellent examples. These are great for girls you meet in class or on campus. Thanks for sharing them.
Kennedy
09. Apr, 2009
Rock on! The ‘What did you do last weekend?’ thing works really well with coworkers, and can be a great way to get a conversation going about the upcoming weekend.
Nice work Kyle!
Kyle
11. Apr, 2009
Thanks guys.
tim
23. Apr, 2009
i need help! I have lunch and three other classes with this really pretty girl who is friendly to me she starts conversations with me occasionally. I can make her laugh a lot but i cant carry out a long meaningful conversation. I want to build up how well i know her and make her really like me before i ask her out, her friend who is also a friend of mine would never let this go if she found out i got rejected (shes weird but funny) any advice?
Tim
27. Apr, 2009
Can anyone help me my question has been up for days….
chirs
28. Apr, 2009
usually, girls do not like to have meaningful conversations in front of other people, especially people their age and they know. tell her you dont understand something in one of your classes and that you could use some help on it. tell her this near the end of the day where she can sit down and help you immediately with it. you want to get her phone number. so ask her casually if you can call her to help you out with it. if she says yes, than call her that night and ask her a random question about that class and what you did. listen to what she has to say, and then float on to another topic afterwards. float to a topic that you both can relate to and it means something to both of you. don’t make it something creepy or extremely random though, for she migh et suspicious or creeped out. just talk about things that interest both of you and go from there. youwill have thoe meaningful conversations soon, my friend.wish you
best of luck,
chris
Michael
29. Apr, 2009
@ Tim
I’m sorry your question got overlooked. The fact that you already make her laugh a lot is very important and is half the battle. To carry on a longer conversation, just talk about one of the three classes you have with her. Ask her what she did over the weekend.
I think most of what you’re experiencing is irrational fear. Just relax a little man. You’ve already won half the battle by being close with her and making her laugh. Just focus on showing her a good time when you’re with her and she’ll want to be around you a lot more.
You can do this man!
Tim
29. Apr, 2009
Thanks for the advice michael ill let you know how it goes
Kennedy
30. Apr, 2009
@ Tim
Michael is right, if you have her laughing already then you are well on your way to establishing a positive relationship. Try to find out if she ever attends extra-curricular activities like the football game or another casual function. That gives you plenty of time to just sit and talk without the pressures of the classroom on top of you. Go for it!
Nate
02. May, 2009
@Tim
Dude, one word RELAX, if she is starting the conversations just relax. Eventually they will get longer simply by the nature of continuing to converse with someone on a regular basis.
Tod
13. May, 2009
@ Tim
OK Tim, all these guys are right so heres the thing: when you think the time is right, you want to ask her out in the most casual way possible, like,hey thanks for all the help. what are you doing next saturday? if she is free, then say something like, I’m seeing this new movie that just came out, wanna come? if this goes well, you could really get something going.
Luke
21. May, 2009
HELP!!!! im 15 and i dont know what im doing wrong but ive never had a girlfriend
Michael
21. May, 2009
@ Luke
Relax man. You’re only 15. Many guys that age have never had a girlfriend. Even though it might not feel like it, the same is true for guys at your school. Again, relax. It’s not like you’re running a race here.
You’ll get a girlfriend soon. Trust me, it will happen. Just be nice and interesting with the girls you interact with. To do that, just read the posts and comments on this site.
Kennedy
26. May, 2009
@Luke
I didn’t have my first girlfriend, my first date or my first kiss until I was almost 17. Have patience, young Jedi.
Good things come to those who wait.
Joseph
04. Jun, 2009
I am 18 but have no girlfriend yet.My problem is that i feel shy whenever i approach a girl not to talk of asking her for friendship.Please how could i overcome this?
.....
05. Jun, 2009
That’s good that you know what the problem is, and really, there is no “cure” for it. You just have to be stronger than it! The best way to do that is by asking God for help. He is awesome and mighty and can help you with anything-EVEN dating. You just need to have confidence, but don’t be cocky. MOST girls like guys who make the first move, however you do not want to get too confident because a lot of girls are turned off by that (have some humility). Hope that helps! God bless all of you!
Amen
11. Jun, 2009
Amen! Hallelujah! This is the day that the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!!!
Michael
11. Jun, 2009
@ Amen
I’m glad to see you share your enthusiasm!
Hairhelp
12. Jun, 2009
Hi
I’m about to get a haircut because everyone’s laughing at my hair and i was wondering… what hairstyles do girls find attractive?
Michael
12. Jun, 2009
@ Hairhelp
There’s not a specific hairstyle that all girls will find attractive. Different girls have different tastes. Which hairstyle will look good on you really depends on the person wearing it and the talent of the person cutting your hair.
With that said, I have found that many girls prefer a clean look to their hair. That means it should be combed and not funky. Stick with a short to medium length hairstyle. Stay away from funky highlights.
The best advice I can give you is to spend a little money and go to a nice salon. Tell the person who cuts your hair exactly what’s going on. There’s no reason to be shy, the stylist is there to help you and make you look your best. Ask for their opinion as to which hairstyle looks best on you and trust in them.
Good luck man!
Kennedy
12. Jun, 2009
@ Hairhelp
Just out of curiosity, what kind of haircut do you have? There’s only one haircut that you can NEVER be seen with, and that’s the Flock of Seagulls haircut. Google it.
Lee
17. Jun, 2009
@Hairhelp
Well really it doesn’t matter what kind of haircut you get, it is all about how you act about it. If you feel embarrased about it then your going to feel like everyone else is gonna make fun of your hair, and they probably will then. But if you act very enthusiastic about your new haircut then the odds are, other people will compliment you…including girls. I get the same beatles looking haircut all the time and rarely ever comb it and because I show good character, all the girls compliment me and say they love my hair. The hair doesn’t make you look good, you make the hair look good. Just remember that.
shy...
20. Jun, 2009
im 16… and im very very very and im serious about this … very very SHY… like hell… im shy around girls.. theirs this girl i like at my drama school and i only see her once a week for 1 hour… ive been goin to the drama school for 6 weeks and ive been wanting to ask her for her number for ages i keep thinkin about it but when i see her my heart beats like hell and i freeze of her beauty so in the end i never get a chance to ask for her number… i dunno how she feels about me i have no idea. ive asked lots of ppl for advice on how to ask her for her number but im too shy.. … i just want a releationship with her… but is that a bad thing that she does that around me she dusnt do it around other guys im confused and shy… very shy.. just give me more adice and how to ask for her number or sumthing. ive even wrote a frikin poem about her… i really like this girl please help.. im shy..
Alan
20. Jun, 2009
@ shy…
I personally think your problem is coming on to hard. Writing a poem is very creepy.The top-pulling is because she dosen’t know you well and isn’t comfortable around you. My advice would be to get SLIGHTLY emphasis on SLIGHTLY into the friend zone. Then ask her out on a MOSTLY casual date.
Alan
20. Jun, 2009
Oh yeah and then after a few of those go in for the kill, but don’t do anything like say I love you, just ask if she’s ready for a relationship, THEN, only then, can you do things like poems
shy...
21. Jun, 2009
no no you dont get me… i wrote a poem about her because i like her that much … obviously im not gonna give it to her… your advise isnt that good.. please someone else help me..
Kennedy
21. Jun, 2009
@ shy and Alan
To tell the truth, there’s nothing wrong with writing a poem. Most girls love that sort of thing - but it is all about when you give it to her.
Before thinking about poems or phone numbers, I would try to get to know her a little better. So let’s start small here. Ask her name. If you know that already, ask what school she went to before drama school. Ask her what classes or discipline she is taking at this drama school.
Start with a simple question or two, and of course introduce yourself if she doesn’t know who you are already. You two have a common interest (acting/drama), so you have something to talk about immediately. As you get to know her a little bit, you’ll feel more relaxed around her, and then it’ll be a LOT easier to say something like, “hey, can I give you a call this weekend? I might be going out for coffee”.
So you see her regularly, and you already have something in common that you can talk to her about. The hard part is over man. You can do it!
And let us know how it goes. Good luck!
Alan
21. Jun, 2009
Type your comment here…
Alan
21. Jun, 2009
That’s basically what I meant.
shy...
21. Jun, 2009
yea ive talked about that stuf i give her a hug when ever i see her and shake her hand…. read about the ass thing ive put in my help messege…
shy..
21. Jun, 2009
yea ive talked about that stuf i give her a hug when ever i see her and shake her hand….
Kennedy
21. Jun, 2009
@shy
Hmm, I couldn’t see the part about pulling her top down in your message above - I had to go read about that part in my email. Strange.
I wouldn’t read too much into her actions there. It could be she feels self conscious about her looks. Try giving her a compliment to let her know you’re not thinking about her butt. Two things I like to compliment girls on: glasses and shoes. If I think they look great in glasses or if they’re wearing a great pair of shoes I have no problem saying, “hey, those look great on you. Just wanted to tell you that.” It shows a bit of sincerity, and girls will notice that.
So if you guys are already speaking, find out what she does with her free time. Does she like seeing movies, going to the pool or hanging out at the mall? Find out what her comfort zone is, and ask her if she’s interested in going out some time. For example - if she likes the Harry Potter movies, as her if she’d like to go see the new one that’s coming out. Or ask if she needs some help practicing one of her parts after school one day. That way you are offering to do something with her that she is interested in - which will help your chances of landing a date. If you can get her interested in seeing you outside of class then getting her phone number will be a cinch.
In closing, here’s a protip: never shake a girl’s hand after the initial introduction. Stick to hugs and smiles from there on out.
Again, I wouldn’t worry too much about the butt thing. Just focus on what here interests are and find something to do outside of school that line up with those interests. Hope this helps!
?????????
21. Jun, 2009
Hi,
I’m thirteen and I like this girl who’s 15. I’ve talked to her a little but not much and she used to date my big brother. I’m considered attractive and I work out alot and alot of the girls at my school like me, but I’ve always liked girls who were older than me. Any help/ advice?
shy...
21. Jun, 2009
@?????????
im not in the situation to give advise… but i know one thing never ever asume that a girl likes you never.. even if she tells you your the best guy ever dont asume she likes you. i still need more advise on my help thing…
?????????
21. Jun, 2009
No they said they liked me.
Michael
23. Jun, 2009
@????
I disagree with Shy. There are times you can assume that girls like you. It’s called being confident, and there’s nothing wrong with being confident.
You mention that this girl dated your older brother. My advice is to forget about this girl. I would never date a girl that dated my brother. Too much drama can result from this situation. Go find another girl.
mitchell
30. Jun, 2009
i really like this girl at school and i read all your advice, it is i just don’t know what to say when starting a conversation. what are some good things to start to talk about at school?
Kennedy
01. Jul, 2009
@ mitchell
Dude, you have all kinds of things to talk about! Ask her what she plans on doing over the summer, if she knows what classes she’s taking. Ask if she ever goes to the local pool, river, lake or whatever body of whatever people like to go to in your area. Ask if she’s thought about college, and where she might like to go. The fact that you’re in school gives you a stack of things to talk about immediately.
Go and talk to one of your buddies from school. Try to keep track of what you guys talk about. You’re all around the same age, so there’s a chance that some of the stuff you feel comfortable talking about with your friends is something she’s interested in, too.
Get out there and get to it!
Daniel
02. Jul, 2009
I have had girlfriends, but none of them lasted but a week or 2, and i think it was becouse we never had good conversations. normally we just sat and stared at each other and didnt talk and in a week it was over. i think this will really help me when i get in another, longer lasting, relationship. thank you for the advice.
daniel
02. Jul, 2009
btw im starting my freshman year at HS so this should be fun. but i need a little help. girls arnt a big problem to me, its there friends. my last gf broke up with me becouse her 4 best friends told her to. how do i get past them and keep the girl?
Kennedy
03. Jul, 2009
@ Daniel
Making nice with a girl’s friends is always one of the first steps to winning over the girl herself. Sometimes they can be a bit of a chore, but if you don’t take the time to become friends with them it can hurt you in the long run (as you’ve already found out).
So remember, if you’re nice and friendly and funny around her friends, that’s what they are going to remember once she asks them in private what they think about you.
As for the conversation piece, that will come to you naturally. Use some of the tips we’ve provided here, such as using open ended questions. Try to find out as much about her as possible - usually that will open up new avenues of conversation between the two of you.
Good luck man!
daniel
03. Jul, 2009
thank you
i cant wait till high school
Mat
06. Jul, 2009
I need some help. There’s this girl working at the coffeeshop I go to. She’s always working, and there’s not enough time to talk to her. I talk to her when I’m ordering something, and usually another customer arrives and I have to pull back. There are always 2 other workers there. One of them is a guy, and since he’s been working there for a long time, he knows me. Would it be odd to ask the guy if she has bf? Probably he’ll tell her. When do you think I can ask her out? Wait to know her first, have several conversations?
I am afraid if she rejects me, it might be odd to go back to that coffeeshop again. I feel like in this situation it’s better to be like a friend at first.
Kennedy
06. Jul, 2009
@ Mat
Awesome! I love coming up with creative solutions! First off, I wouldn’t worry too much about her rejecting you and it being weird. Chances are she gets her fair share of guys trying to talk to her, so she’s probably used to it by now. But here is how you’re going to be unlike most guys.
Next time you know she’s going to be your cashier, have one of those coffee napkins in your wallet that says, “I’d like to call you some time. - Mat”. Pay for your drink with cash and your napkin folded up under your dollar bill(s).
You’ll get bonus points right off the bat for creativity. And if she’s into you, maybe you’ll find her number written on your cup when your order is up.
If that’s a little too cavalier for your tastes, then I would definitely ask the guy you know there if she’s seeing anyone. He can definitely be a handy middle man for you in this situation.
But still, it would be totally awesome if the first method worked, wouldn’t it? You’d be the coolest kid in school with that little move…
James
07. Jul, 2009
May i know how should i start a conversation with a girl i like in my class ? I am a normal student in school and not very social. I hope you will help me .
Michael
07. Jul, 2009
@ James
The easiest thing to do in that setting is to start talking about the class itself. Ask her about homework, an upcoming test or what she thinks of the teacher. These are all excellent conversation starters for your situation.
Once the two of you establish a connection, meaning you’ve talked on multiple occasions, you can start asking her how her weekend was. She’ll most likely start asking you the same thing. By then, talking with her will become second nature to you.
Good luck James!
Mat
07. Jul, 2009
Thanks Kennedy. I love your idea. She seems to me to be 23. I’m sure this idea will work for younger girls. but again kudos to your creativity.
She’s kind of cool to me, she asks me about my drink the other day I had, and there’s a joke between us about her asking 6 questions before giving me the coffee.
I am sure she’s used to being asked out by several guys and she’s ok with that. I just don’t like the look of the other girls working there, like why you did not ask me, or yeah she rejected you. You know what I’m talking about?
I’ll ask that guy about her first.
I’ll appreciate other opinions as well.
James
08. Jul, 2009
Thanks Michael, i will try
Mat
08. Jul, 2009
By the way the link to “How do I start a conversation with the cute girl at the front desk of my gym?” does not work.