The right way to start talking to girls

Posted on 09. Apr, 2009 by Kennedy in How to Talk to Girls, Increase Your Confidence

What brought you to this website? What pages have you visited so far? How do you plan on using this information to help yourself?

These are examples of open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are great for conversation starters, and they also come in handy to help extend a conversation that might have otherwise become stagnant.

Your odds of getting past the first 10 seconds of interaction increase dramatically when you start with an open-ended question.

So what is an open-ended question? It is a question that cannot be answered with simple “yes”, “no.” They require a more detailed answer.

Below are some examples of questions that are not open-ended. These questions can be answered with just one word and the kind you should avoid asking the first time you speak to a girl you like.

• How are you today?
• Do you need any help with that?
• Can I help you find anything?
• Do you come here often?

So what’s the problem with this type of closed question? In reality, nothing. The above examples are okay forms of interaction with girls. But you want more than just a basic interaction – you want a conversation.

The point is to get the girl you like to open up a little bit

Open-ended questions are great at getting girls to open up. They allow you to keep the conversation flowing.

And the best part? You can come up with your own question to fit the occasion.

For example, if you see a girl at the gym you might ask, “How do you like working out here?” But if you’re at the grocery store you might say, “I’ve never tried that fruit before, how does it taste?” I’ll give you some more examples at the end of the article to help get you started.

Now this isn’t to say you should put off close-ended questions completely. They come in handy once you find yourself conversing with a girl. Like when you ask her name (which is something you’ll hopefully ask at SOME point). You may ask a girl, “Do you like the band?” and end up sharing reasons why the concert you are at is completely awesome.

Remember, first impressions are everything, so try to have an open-ended question ready to make YOUR first impression. I’ll share some examples of open-ended questions in a later post, so be sure to check back soon.

We’d like to hear from you. Ask questions or suggest your recommendations for open-ended questions with the rest of the AoG community in the comments below. Well, don’t hesitate. Get to it!

Tags: starting conversations

141 Responses to “The right way to start talking to girls”

Kennedy

13. Oct, 2009

@ chris

There’s nothing wrong with a girl knowing that you like her! In the end, that’s kind of the point, right?
There’s nothing wrong with walking up to her and asking, “Are you going with anyone to the dance?” If she says yes, just give her an “OK, cool” and be on your way. If she doesn’t have anyone to go with, just say this: “Would you like to go with me?”
Make sure to take a deep breath before you ask. It’s that easy.
Chances are she’ll go for it, and you’ll have yourself a hot date for the dance! Don’t be afraid to fail, and don’t make a big deal out of it, just approach her and ask. Let us know how it goes!
Kennedy

13. Oct, 2009

@ jair

Cheerleaders are normally in their own little world. If she doesn’t know who you are already, I would recommend walking up to her and introducing yourself and asking her to do something simple like going for some pizza or Starbucks. Just remember to take a deep breath before you walk up to her.
This is as much an exercise in confidence as it is an attempt to get a date with a pretty girl. Even if she turns you down, you’ll at least know that you have the confidence to approach ANY girl - and that reputation will end up doing you wonders in the end.
I wish you luck!
Kennedy

13. Oct, 2009

@ sean

If this girl is really your Dream Girl then I think you’ve already answered your question. Think long and hard on this before you make a decision, though…
Kennedy

13. Oct, 2009

@ Zakk

Those instances are normally not good for you. This will be tough, but I recommend sitting her down and asking her flat out, “Look, I know something is bothering you, will you please tell me what it is?” Promise not to get mad if you think that will be an issue.
If she is still unresponsive then it may be time for you to be proactive and move on without her.
Hopefully it won’t come to that, and she’ll feel comfortable opening up to you. Just be prepared - it’s probably going to be something you’re not going to want to hear. Good luck…
Kennedy

13. Oct, 2009

@ Vishal

Are you going to see this girl face-to-face again? If so, tell her that you’ve really liked spending time with her in class, and that you would like to call her some time after your class is over. Don’t wait until the 2 weeks has passed, or you’ll end up regretting just sitting idly by. Make sure you see her before this two weeks up and ask for her number (or even for a date)!
This is your assignment - you can do it!
Kennedy

13. Oct, 2009

@ girl96

Are you just trying to make friends with this girl, or something more? If you could be a little more specific I think we could better help you out. Thanks!
jr

14. Oct, 2009

not trying to be rude but, michael or kennedy can you plz help. my question has been up since oct 3rd
jr

14. Oct, 2009

i mean oct 7
jair

15. Oct, 2009

@kennedy

thanks man …………………. and yeah shes always in her own little world with her griends ……..but i will try anyway .. theres nothing to lose . =)
Vishal

15. Oct, 2009

@Kennedy
thanks for replying
the situation is i messaged her (if you come to Uni bring the accounting book) as she needed help with that. she didnt not reply me yet its been a week.
we will catch up again face to face on coming Thursday that’s 22.
she waits for her bus, is it ok if i offer a lift to drop her at home ????????
or what should i do ????????
i feel some how to call or even message her as she didnt reply to the message…….
any help ?????????
thanks a lot……….
chris

20. Oct, 2009

@kennedy
Well, it did not go as i figured it would. She said she wasn’t going to go with anybody, but she would dance with me and other kids or whatever. So a slow song comes on. Im sure you guessed exactly what happened. I walked right past her. Biggest mistake i ever made, i never ended up dancing with here. I litterally was about to slam my head into a concrete wall i was so angry. Luckily i learned from my mistake. next dance no matter what i will dance with her.
Kennedy

22. Oct, 2009

@ jr

Sorry for over looking you there, man! It sounds like you’re in a tough spot there. I would recommend cooling your heels for a while - if she really thinks you’re creepy then it’s going to be tough to sway her opinion by approaching her. Give it a couple more weeks, and then casually ask her how she’s doing in class when you to are leaving the classroom. Start small and work your way up to where she doesn’t feel weird around you. Good luck!
Kennedy

22. Oct, 2009

@ chris

Don’t beat yourself up over it - experience is the greatest teacher! Remember to take that deep breath when you finally do approach her for that dance!
Kennedy

22. Oct, 2009

@ Vishal

Oh man, the 22nd is today! I hope you saw her at the bus stop and offered her a ride! Let me know how it went…
vishal

23. Oct, 2009

hey Kennedy i did see her in the class……….tried to eye contact her many times as we both had presentation , she was all in the presantation but i was into her………….she didnt even looked at me properly in whole class…………
so i left the class and didnt have balls to aproach her……..
she just call me after the class and said my presentation was very good……………i commentated on her efforts as well, we were in diferetn group tho…….
i asked her whether she wants to come cuzz i had to pick up my cell phone as it was repaired and she was going to same direction……………..i was very hungry and her assignment was pending so she was in hurry………….i offered her iced mocha from a cafe……………and then i picked my cell phone up
finally i dropped her home…………
she said she enjoyed a lot with me……………
i messaged her today that i am sorry for wasting her time that day but didnt get any reply………she dont reply and i am scared to call her up…………………….
we spend really awesome time together that day ………….we talked too much on the way………………
i dont know what to do next
please guide me and i am bit worried as shes doesnt answer my SMSs………………..
any help on this as well??????????
she did tell me where she work and what time she works………….
i dont know how to contact her again and take her out making some excuses or something …………………….
i really like spending time with her…………….
vishal

23. Oct, 2009

hey kennedy i called her but she didnt answer my call……………
i dont know what she have in mind……………….
can you tell me what should i do ???????????????
thanks
shakeel

25. Oct, 2009

@kinnedy i m from pakistan studying in medical college, as there is bit difficult to start conversation with a girl in our setup….but i like a girl and i want to go further with her…how can initiate with her…..plz give me some advise….shakeel
Lil SaY

30. Oct, 2009

for all the guys that are having trouble with girls there is one thing that is really easy to get conversation started have someone you kno say something about your hair then you and that person ?argue?and ask her opinion….. Buyaaaah your in
Will

05. Nov, 2009

Could anyone help me with this?
There’s this girl that I really like, for example whenever I close my eyes or stop doing anything important, she is all I can think about! It makes me really nervous when I am around her. We know each other pretty well and she often helps me out in Maths class. I keep trying to find the ideal moment to start a conversation with her. The only time so far was during hockey in P.E when she made a good pass. I said something like, “That was a nice pass! How’d you do that?” and she replied, “It’s pretty simple, you just need to keep your eyes on the ball.”
Unfortunately, during a game of hockey is not the best time to have a conversation, and it does not help that I am probably one of the least popular people in the school simply because I don’t have many friends. This girl is almost always around her friends (she is quite popular) and I really don’t know how to deal with friends (because I don’t have many, heh.)
Even when she is not around her friends, I can’t seem to pluck up the courage to go speak to her! At one point, I actually started a conversation with her, but it only lasted about 3 minutes because I got nervous and ran out of stuff to say!! Please someone, any advice?
Charle

11. Nov, 2009

Alright, here’s my situation:
I have been in drawing class with this really pretty, petite, brunette girl. She has freckles and just her whole entire complexity is cute. Agh, I feel more feminine for using that, but anyways, I like her. More than most of the girls I’ve ran into here. She didn’t start talking to me until near the end of the semester for college. We walk back on the same route every day back to our dorm building, because we both live in the same building, just opposite eds. Here’s my question though:
Should I attempt to reach out to hang out with her beyond this semester due to a chance that I won’t ever see her again? It’s been rumored she has a boyfriend, but I don’t know yet.
Please help!
Andrew

11. Nov, 2009

There’s this red-head, about my age (12), and I like to play basketball. She walks her dog on the sidewalk next to the court, and sometimes plays on the court with her sister. I don’t know her personally, but I do know he likes facebook (which I don’t have) and she likes to text on her cell phone while she walks her dog. I’ve talked to her a while back, but my friends laugh at me if I ask for help. Please, I need super-help with this!
Chris

18. Nov, 2009

Well, i honestly do think, that out of every person in the entire world i have some of the worst luck, with girls anyway. If you remember me from earlier on this page, i asked a girl out and it didn’t go great. We used to text each other alot, but now all the sudden for the last moneth or so, evertime i’ve texted her there has been no response. So i’m texting my best friend tody (About 5 minutes ago) and what do you think…..He now has a girlfriend, and you know who that is? The girl i like. Of all people. Any advice on this situation?
Jose

25. Nov, 2009

Yo Chis, this is a f*cked up situation and yes u were really unlucky. First: Did your friend know about the girl? Who is she and that u like her? On one hand u said that she didn’t want to go out with u (what in theory could not be that bad -> she may had some reason for that at the time), so your friend could use it as a go sign for him, since the girl showed few interest in goin out with u. Since I don’t know your relationship with the girl and the friend I can’t say “never talk to him again” or so. If they are happy together good for them. As a man you must know how to accpet a defeat( !!! ). Personally me would NEVER go for a girl that a friend of mine was interested before having a serious conversation with him before that. So I’d say: 1st FORGET THE GIRL. if she’s his girlf now, u will not get anything from her. 2nd think well about what to do with your friend, think how he acted and if in a way he got the girl “on your back” I am not sure if this friend is worth any consideration. Think well before doin something!!!
Instead of falling in depression that u are unlucky with girls, from now on simply talk and flirt with all the girls u can. I ASSURE you that in 1 month u will have another girls to after and u won’t give a sh*t about this girl. Plus if u are mad with your friend, belive me if u get another girl the anger will go away and we be able to think about your friendship in a calm, rational way.
And loosing good friends cause of girls.. It’s not worth it. And the sooner u solve and forget this situation, the better for u, u will stop to massacre your brain with thoughts about this.
Good luck.
simon

26. Nov, 2009

hiya ive read your website witch was fab by the way but hers my prob

i came out of a 2year intense realation ship witch rearly hurt me but after that i started college about a week later and a i noticed a girl the sorta girl u look at then have to go back for a second glance to see if u where seeing right she’s a abserlot dream now to me shes the girl of my dreams but to others shes not but hay i can have my taste right

my prob is i see her every time on my second brake out haveing a smoke i keep on wanting to just walk up and talk to her but straight away my mins starts running with things like wat am i gunna say waht if she has a bf what if she dont like me so i always chicken out i suppose what dont help also is she is always with about 5 of her friends but 2day she was with just one i tried to go and talk to her but i still couldent please if anyone can just help me with wat to say to her

ow yer also i dont smoke so that wont help me
i see her at college i dont no what corse she does and what her name is so im at a bit of a mix

thanks in adanvced
paul

27. Nov, 2009

rite heres the deal …i really like this girl that lives beside me, is one my bus but is a year younger than me.we know each ok i guess and we smile everytime we meet in the corridor not sure whether she likes me or not ……dont have that many conversations because we rarely get the chance but whenever she sees me comin she always smiles.what do i do ?
David

05. Dec, 2009

Im a pretty popular guy and i have been told a lot of girls like me. But there is this one girl who i went out with before but she broke it off because we both felt that we weren’t ready. When we were going out we didn’t see each other that often because we both went on holiday and she always said she was busy when i asked her out. I never really saw her when we weren’t with friends and i guess its because she felt awkward because we didn’t know each other well enough.
3-4 months later at a party i was talking to a couple of girls who i get on well with who told me she still really likes me and wants to talk more. So i made an effort to talk to her but she never really made it easy so i tried texting her and we texted a lot and she said she loved me. I didn’t want to ask her out because i felt that we still weren’t ready. I heard her the other day talking to her friend about another boy who goes to a different school who she has known since she was little and she fancies him. This really put me off and knocked my confidence about talking to her. I don’t see how i can compete with this…
What should i do? i have been trying to get over her but i still really like her. Please help. Sorry if this is long to read. ( Btw im 16, and she is too… soon)
Eddie

04. Jan, 2010

Ok there this girl I have feeling for her and she knows that we’ll talk on the phone for hours but one night I had the guts to tell her how I feel about her and even ask her how she felt about it she said that she will consider me as morenthen a friend..I don’t get it every time I ask her out she busy…now we rearly talk now everytime I call she sleeping not home .. Doin homework or we’ll talk for about 2min and she say she’ll call back In 5min but she never does help please
James

05. Jan, 2010

I have a friend who’s 13 and in year 8 he realy likes this girl in year 7 but the thing is she’s realy small and the are gap might only be 2 years she’s 11 but it seems more he thinks it might be a bit weird and keeps asking for help what should I say
thomas

05. Jan, 2010

i have this very pretty girl sitting next to me in class and i would realy like to take her out. i can see she is interested in me but only enouph to talk to me, she and i are in the same group for a project…what can i say to her to start a conversation and how to act how to dress ect please help
eddie

07. Jan, 2010

alright theres this gil that goes to my school shes 14. well we barely talk but i really have a thing for her shes beautiful. but i guess im kinda shy to talk to her can you please help me on how can i get her attentio or how can i start talking to her and getting close please give advice
Charle S

03. Feb, 2010

@Kennedy.
I posted something in November for help, but you never got back to me. Let me restate my problem and perhaps you can provide me the advice I seek asap.
Ok, here’s the scenario: Last semester, there was this very pretty girl named Kayla I sat by frequently and most of the time talked to. We both live in the same dorm building, thus granting me the best chance to walk back with her. Up until the very week of finals, we hit it off pretty well. I was about to ask her for her number, until I noticed her walking with a boy(presuming it’s her boyfriend with other sufficient evidence) . And there I just sort of mentally was shut down.
Starting yesterday, I coincidentally saw her on the way to my History and Film class. She smiled and waved at me. All I did was wave back. We were walking on the exact same route to our classes, but I didn’t stop to chat with her.
Today, I happened to encounter her again on the way back from class. (because duh, we both live in the same building). Here’s my question: How do I get back to that place where I can casually talk to her again, but not giving off that creeper vibe? The last thing I would want her to think is that I’m stalking her because she’s very pretty.
Please answer this asap. I know you have other people to answer, but a simple answer will do just fine for my case.
declan

03. Feb, 2010

kennedy,

I just met a girl and were starting a relationship and valintines day is coming up and I dont know what to get her. She likes cooking but thats all I have. Please help!!!
Sean

08. Feb, 2010

kennedy,
i really like this girl at my church. we go to different schools so i only see her wednesday night and saturday night. ive liked this girl for awhile i talked to her once before and a few weeks ago i was planning on talking to her again. i told my friends that i liked her and was gonna talk to her and before i could talk to her they told her i liked her and she told them she thought i was kinda cute, but im really shy and when they told her i liked her that kinda ruined it for me but that was about 4 weeks ago and each week since ive said i was gonna talk to her but cant figure out what i should say. last week my friend went and talked to her and she told him she was talking to another guy. so i feel like i may have missed my chance completly but i still wanna talk to her and get to know her better. do you have any advise for conversation starters or the situation in general?
Kevin.C

11. Feb, 2010

how to answer when a girl is like “who are you”?..or
do i know you?
Brian

12. Feb, 2010

hey man i like this chick from school, she’s really cute and all but i don’t know how to approach her. we don’t have any classes together and she’s always with her friends. i don’t think she has noticed me on campus and i want to know if would be okay to lie to her saying that I’m new at school, and want to know where the library is at, then say “well the truth is i just wanted to talk to you cause i think your cute”.

or do you suggest something else?
Kennedy

14. Feb, 2010

@ Charle S

This one is easier than most since you’ll be seeing her from time to time around the dorm. One day, catch up with her and mention how you guys haven’t talked in a while, and ask her if she would be up for lunch sometime to catch up on things. It’s very non-threatening, so even if that guy was her boyfriend or something she would be more likely to take you up on it.
If she doesn’t go for the lunch thing, then just make sure you are at least stopping her from time to time and ask her how classes are going or something quick like that. You can do it man, good luck!
Kennedy

14. Feb, 2010

@ declan

Gah! I hope your V Day went well. For any occasion - not just for V Day - a hand written note or card is a great thing to give her. It shows that you really care and you put time and effort into it. Keep that in mind for when her birthday or other holidays pop up.
Kennedy

14. Feb, 2010

@ Sean

Most churches have fun events from time to time, right? Potlucks, athletic events, or even just fellowship after service. Find out when the next one of those events is taking place. Then, the next time you see her, just simply ask if she is planning on attending. If anything, it will give you another opportunity to talk with her outside of the normal setting you see her.
Check out the article on open ended questions. Come up with a couple to keep in your back pocket in case you need them. Questions about how her classes are going, what does she do on the weekend - stuff like that.
Remember, take a deep breath before you approach her. Women love confidence, and I know you’ve got it!
Kennedy

14. Feb, 2010

@ Kevin C

That’s a tough one. The easiest answer is, “No, but I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Kevin C, what’s yours?”
If she gives you her name, you can come up with a couple of open ended questions to start a conversation, or you can swing for the fences and tell her you’d really like to take her out some time. Go for it man!
Kennedy

14. Feb, 2010

@ Brian

I wouldn’t recommend a lie - if only because you will look like a total goober if she calls you out on it. You CAN however, skip the “new kid and school” part and just ask her where the library is. If she asks you why you didn’t know already, you can THEN say that you were just using that line to talk to her.
All that aside, you can always try the recommendation above and just walk up and introduce yourself. Girls don’t ever expect that one - only because the most confident guys do it. Try it out, and remember - deep breath before you approach her. Good luck!
Ari

15. Feb, 2010

Hi here’s my problem i met this kid at soccer try-outs which know where best friends sort of like bros now and we hang-out alot n we live in different towns so we go to different schools and at his high school there’s a lot of really hot girls that go there and i was looking through face book and i saw some pretty girls that he knows but dosen’t talk to and im stuck starting a conversation with her . Also there asking me if i know theme and all this stuff and i don’t know what to say and all i really just want to do is ask for her number n take her out on a date. Please help me i don’t know what to say to her to get her interested in me