5 Common Mistakes Guys Make When Talking to Girls

Posted on 02. Mar, 2009 by Michael in How to Talk to Girls, Increase Your Confidence

When you go up to a girl you like to start a conversation, you need all the help you can get. Typically there are 5 mistakes that most guys make that can decrease your chances of walking away with her number. They are:

1. Convincing yourself to not talk to her
Most people call this shyness. Don’t let shyness keep you from meeting an awesome girl. One moment of shyness can cost you weeks, months or even years of happiness.

2. Letting your nervousness show
Girls, typically, like guys who are confident. Sweating, stuttering and fidgeting during a conversation doesn’t exactly paint you as a confident guy. Sure, there are some girls who think nervousness can be cute. But by and large, they prefer confidence.

3. Asking for her number too early
One of the worst things you can do is to start the conversation like this, “Hi, I saw you from across the way and thought you were really attractive. Can I get your number?” She doesn’t know you. Why should she give you her number? For all she knows you can be a stalker. That’s why it’s important to have a good conversation with her before you ask her for her number. It gives her the chance to get to know that you’re an OK guy.

4. Coming on too strongly
One of the other worst things you can do is to start the conversation like this, “Hey, my name’s Tom. I saw you in my history class and I think you’re really hot! We should go out on a date. Come on, we’ll have fun!” Girls don’t like to feel like they’re being forced into a conversation, let alone a date.

5. Not knowing when to end the conversation
Even if your first conversation is going amazingly well, you never want to linger too long. Always leave the conversation with the girl wanting more. There’s no need to divulge all your funny stories or secrets right from the get go. How long should you talk with a girl? For a first time conversation a good rule of thumb is to stay under 45 minutes.

What do you guys think? Is there anything I left out? Please share your comments with us…

Tags: Flirting

130 Responses to “5 Common Mistakes Guys Make When Talking to Girls”

!!!

04. Jun, 2009

There’s this girl i like and she knows i like her but she doesn’t mind. The town dance is comming but i’m too nervous to ask her. Can you help
Michael

04. Jun, 2009

@ !!!
You should ask her. Get over your nervousness, step up to the play and take a swing.
This whole nervousness thing is really just fear. You should never let fear affect you negatively, which is what it is doing to you. The best way to overcome your fear is to talk with her and realize that she, just like you, is a human being. She isn’t some superior being from the planet Venus.
Start a conversation with her. Take it slow and easy. Then just say, “Hey, if you haven’t already got a date to the dance, I was hoping you would go with me.”
It truly is that easy.
Good luck!
DaQuincy

05. Jun, 2009

Be normal and ya self, be passsionate, listen,and hold a converstaion, stand tall , and live!
Michael

05. Jun, 2009

@ DaQuincy
You’re right. Just be yourself and stand tall (meaning don’t be shy.) Those are two things that many girls find attractive.
Dhuston

05. Jun, 2009

so there is this girl that i know likes me and i like her but when i got the chance to talk to her in class i was too nervous about how to start the conversation and how to keep her interested that it made things akward. now she still talks to me on myspace but i dont know what i should do. im too nervous
Kennedy

09. Jun, 2009

@ Dhuston

It’s good to hear she’s still talking to you in some capacity. Why not try to start a conversation via MySpace, and continue the conversation in person in class. Ask her online about how some of her classes are going, and when you see her the next day you can ask her if class is going good - if she needs help studying, etc.
Find out what she likes - movies, tv shows, books or hobbies. If she mentions anything that you also like, it should give you an opening to talk about things you both like.
Remember, instead of thinking about you talking to a girl, imagine you are talking to one of your buddies. What would you talk about with them?
You can do it man, good luck!
Jackson

03. Jul, 2009

hey i think i screwed up… i really like this girl which have been my friend for about 3 yrs… but we hardly talk at alll.. except at the 1st year when i screwed up.. than today im finally ready to talk to her. i ran out of ideas for the first conversation so i spilled out all my secrets to keep it going. and now i have no idea to start the 2nd one!
Kennedy

06. Jul, 2009

@ Jackson

Dude, you’ve known this girl 3 years! You should have all kinds of things to talk to her about: people you both know, school, plans for the summer, jobs, college, getting your drivers license, parents. All sorts of stuff. And because you know her already, you should have a backlog of stuff about her that you can use to start a conversation.
Try pretending for a moment that you were just friends. What would you say to your buddy that you have known for 3 years? What questions would you ask him? Try to keep that in mind when talking to this girl. Good luck!
Juan

25. Jul, 2009

for rule #5 it says, “For a first time conversation a good rule of thumb is to stay under 45 minutes.”

in my opinion no matter where you are 45 minutes is too long. i’d say more like 10 minutes and towards the end start looking like you have to leave (as if you’re not too interested in her). also before it ends get her number and then walk away and call her later. i think any longer then 10 or 15 minutes will not only make you look too interested but even if you think its going well she might be starting to get bored
Michael

26. Jul, 2009

@ Juan
You do make a point there. But I’ve had many great conversations with girls that have lasted between 20 and 40 minutes at a book store or coffee shop.
The key is to pay attention to the mood of the conversation. If there tends to be an awkward silence, then the talk has gone too long. But don’t abruptly end a great conversation just because you don’t want to come off as too interested.
Wussssup

28. Jul, 2009

The one girl in my drivers ed class that i was interested in just so happened to be seated behind me. How would i get to know her if the teacher is rather strict on talking?
also would she think its wierd if i noticed things about her? for example i know shes a cheerleader because i remember seeing her in the team picture last year.
Also i kind of talked to her today because i was sort of confused on what we were doing so i asked her but it wasnt anything a conversation could be built off.
advice??
Kennedy

29. Jul, 2009

@ Wussssup

If the teacher is going to chide you for talking in the car, I’d avoid it. However, after that class is over you can joke with her about how strict the teacher is in the car or something like that.
Girls really like a guy that pays attention to the details, as long as it’s not too creepy. Saying something like, “hey, aren’t you a cheerleader?” Shows you’ve noticed her before, which is good. Saying something like, “I noticed you wore those same pants 6 days ago” is really creepy and won’t do you any good.
When you are talking about something to do with class, use that jumping off point to steer the conversation towards something else, like what class she has after this one, or what period she has study hall, or what kind of car she will be driving. That broadens the topic of discussion so that it’s easier for you to manage the conversation.
Paul Riley

02. Aug, 2009

Hey everyone…
I have a serious problem here.
For the past two years I have been in love with my best friend’s sister. Keep in mind I am a stupid, young 9th grader.
She’s older than me by 3 years, but she talks to a lot of people my age. She’s really similar to my best friend, and I think that could help, but I am so afraid to talk to her. I am so afraid, because of so many things. First of all, she’s my best friend’s sister which brings up two problems: one is that if I say something wrong or do something wrong, it won’t be with a girl I’d have nothing to lose with, it’d be with my friend’s sister, and she’d be in the corner for as long as I’m friends with my best friend, and second, my best friend could get angry at me, and I’m really weak, and I am not athletic, and he had kickboxing lessons once, and he’s kinda good at it. ANother reason is that she’s OLDER. It might not matter later but at such tender ages of ours, it probably matters, but only for now. THing is, I don’t know if I should talk to her, or even try anything with her. It’s scaring me sh*tless, to say the least. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. It’s been two years, and I don’t even know if she knows I exist.
the milky bar kid

04. Aug, 2009

okay i no this girl from work and i really want to her that i like her but every time i go to do it i bottle out!! wehave been getting on and chating loads recentley but ive found out she is going to move away to go to college soon and i dont want to get in her way of having that freedom of going to live away and trying news things and meeting new people. i dont want things to be arkward between us if she doesnt feel the same way. i have told two friends that i like her and one says i hsouldnt tell but the other tells me to do and says what have i got to lose??? i have no idea wat to do please help!! thanks
Michael

05. Aug, 2009

@ Paul Riley
Take heart my friend. Your situation is not as bad as you make it out to be. First, if you’ve been best friends with her brother for two years, then she knows who you are. Second, don’t worry about getting into a fight with your friend. If the two of you really are best buds, he won’t try to beat you up. Just make sure you always treat his sister with the utmost respect and don’t talk bad about her. If you do that everything will be fine between you and him.
Now it is true that you face a challenging situation. She’s a senior and you’re a freshman. You’re absolutely right that the age difference is a problem. She’s more than likely interested in guys her age and older guys in college. My advice is to focus on girls your age. I know that might not be what you want to hear but that’s what I would do.
That is unless you just can’t get your mind off of her. If that’s the case then maybe you should pursue this crush you have. But I would make sure you get the blessing of your friend before you pursue anything with her.
Good luck!
Michael

05. Aug, 2009

@ The Milky Bar Kid
I suggest you tell her. If you don’t, you just might regret not taking the chance. And regret is something no one wants to have.
But you bring up a good point about her going off to college. That can be an awkward situation. But there isn’t a rule that says the both of you have to have a serious relationship. I think you should tell her how you feel but keep things romantic but casual. That way when it’s time for her to leave, the both of you will still be on good terms and free to live a dating life while the both of you are apart.
Let us know how it goes!
Bihag

26. Aug, 2009

Hi,
I know this girl from my class and I have tried to have a talk with her casually. But she never talked more than 5 mins. I think she is not interested in me or what? I still find her in my college at canteen but I don’t know how to stop her for a talk and what to talk about? Puzzled. I stop myself coz I think she is not interested in me at all. ANy ways out or suggestions ?
Michael

27. Aug, 2009

@ Bihag
If she keeps looking for ways to dodge you or get out of your talks quickly, then she just might not be interested. If that’s the case, it’s time to look for another girl.
However, one sure way to find out is to summon up the courage to ask her out on a date. If she says “no,” then what do you have to lose? But if she says “yes,” then you’ve just struck gold. The choice is yours.
Good luck!
Jake

03. Sep, 2009

Theres this girl in one of my classes that id really like to ask out, but i dont know how to start a conversation. She sits diagnolly across from me and i think it would be akward to just start a random conversation. How can i start a conversation?
joey

05. Sep, 2009

i like this girl but she is 2 grades higher than me what should i do
Kennedy

08. Sep, 2009

@ Jake

This one’s easy man! Ask her something about the class you two are in. Ask how she did on the test you guys just took, or if she had any problems with the last homework assignment. That’s a pretty benign question that she should feel comfortable answering. From there you can ask her what she did over the weekend or if she’s going to the football game Friday night. Sharing something common like that definitely gives you an “in” with this girl. You can do it!
Kennedy

08. Sep, 2009

@ joey

As with Jake, try to find something school related that you two have in common. Have you seen her out somewhere? Like at the mall or at a school event? Just start with a question like, “Hey, didn’t I see you at the mall/football game/school play the other night?” It’s a decent icebreaker that she should feel comfortable answering. From there, you can ask if she’ll be at the mall/football game/school function next time, and mention that you’ll see her there. That should give you something to chat about the next time you run into her.
Let us know how it goes man. Provide some more details if you can and we’ll see what we can do to help you out. Good luck!
RandomGuy

12. Sep, 2009

I known this girl for about 2 years, except we hardly talk. I really like her a lot and she frequently glances at me when she thinks I’m not looking, (obviously, I know ). When I walk past her in the halls she NEVER looks at my eyes but just looks at the ground nervously.

I plan on talking to her this Monday to get to know her more. We both play the bass(she’s been playing longer than I), would it be a good idea to start a conversation about the bass? I mean like, ask her to give me pointers about playing techniques, that sort of thing?
lewis

13. Sep, 2009

RandomGuy
You have some good ideas, just be careful when you ask her for playing techcniques that you don’t get sucked into playing worse just to use the conversation topic again, she might get bored with that,
If she is nervous about you you’re in luck, talk to her and mention something she is comfortable with (like playing the bass) this will boost her confidence and trust in you. Then just keep your cool and stand tall, let the conversation flow a bit and just try to talk to her reguarly. Good luck!
Michael

14. Sep, 2009

@ Random Guy
That’s an absolutely fantastic way to start a conversation! It focuses on a topic that you both are very interested in. Way to use your head man!
Be sure to let us know how it goes!
wayne

16. Sep, 2009

hi,
i recently joined a badminton club in my company, it’s a weekly activity. there`s a girl in the club that i`m really interested in. we work in the same company and we’ve talked several times, but sometimes i don’t know what topic to pick to talk to her. should i always talk about work? any advices?
Michael

18. Sep, 2009

@ Wayne
My advice is to only talk about work to break the ice and only during the first 3 or so encounters. You want to quickly move the conversation to something more personal such as hobbies, what she did the past weekend, etc. If all you talk about is work, she’ll most likely become bored.
Best of luck man!
Gregg

19. Sep, 2009

I met this girl last year at band camp. I noticed her right away but didnt think much about it since I was a senior and she was a freshman. But she was really fun to be with, although when she talked I usually just listened since Im pretty shy. Toward Spring Break I started to really like her. I figured out she liked me too by the way she looked at me. But I kept looking for the perfect chance to ask her out but didnt realize it when it came. So I ended up graduating. Were friends on myspace but we havent talked since before graduation. I tried to make small talk on there during the summer since I dont see her anymore but she doesnt respond. Ive never liked anyone more than her. So I want to know if I should just send her how I feel over myspace and ask her out like that?
gregg

19. Sep, 2009

I forgot to say it there but she knew I liked her which is why she wouldnt answer me on myspace. Now Im afraid she wants nothing to do with me anymore.
kevin

20. Sep, 2009

I met this girl, shes one year younger than me and we seem to be hitting it off well. We text from morning tonight all the time, we still haven’t been able to talk in person though because she is in a different grade at school so I rarely see her. We both have this thing where we cant really have a good conversation in person unless we know the person really well. Tomorrow I am in her lunch and told her I’d come sit with her. I’m real nervous because I’m afraid my conversations will be corny and not very sparked up. Please help. Also I may ask her to the homecoming dance, but not sure how well the conversation would be on the date before the dance, tell me what I should do.
Kennedy

21. Sep, 2009

@ Gregg

Most women do have that “Poop or get off the pot” moment - where they expect a guy to make a move or they just forget about it. It looks like you might have run into that situation here. I’m not one that really likes the idea of asking someone out over MySpace, but if this is the only way to get in touch with her then go for it. Just send her a message telling her you’re sorry that you have missed each other over the summer, and that you would like to get together and hang out some time. Even offer up your phone number for her to call or text. If you still haven’t heard from her then that may be it for you, man. At the least, you’ve learned a valuable opportunity about seizing your opportunity. Don’t fret, however, even if she’s gone, another will come along one day that will make you feel that way again. Trust me on that.
Kennedy

21. Sep, 2009

@ kevin

Dude, you have all sorts of stuff to talk about! After you sit down, ask her how school is going this week - if she has any big tests, if she has any of the teachers you had, what she thinks of her classes, etc. You can even ask her out to the dance right there - it’s not that hard! And the best part is, she’s probably already expecting you to ask.
Now all that being said, you need some phone time or face-to-face time with her so that you feel more comfortable carrying on a regular conversation with her - because if things really take off between you two she’s going to want those things. Good luck man, and remember to breathe!
Mistakes Girls Make

27. Sep, 2009

Shyness is the biggest thing. In the end it’s a numbers game, if you meet enough girls, one that you like will like you back. But if you don’t have the courage to talk to them then you’ll never get the chance.
Zach

10. Oct, 2009

how can you tell if a girl likes you or not?
Kennedy

13. Oct, 2009

@ Zach

Take some queues - verbal and non-verbal. Does she smile when you make eye contact? Have you spoken to her? If so, does she seem engaged, but somewhat shy - or does she seem distant and uninterested?
Give us a little more background on what’s going on here, and we can help craft a better solution for you. Otherwise, good luck!
preston

22. Oct, 2009

Well, theres this girl I like but she already has a girlfriend.She isn’t in my class and never talks to me.How can I start her paying more attention to me?
Kennedy

22. Oct, 2009

@ preston

That’s a tough one man! Do you know any of her friends, or know anywhere she hangs out when she’s not in school? I would try to find somewhere like that to start that you could focus on. Feel free to brainstorm here in the comments and we’ll see if we can’t help you out!
BUD

25. Oct, 2009

My buddy set me up with this girl we have talked for 2 weeks now but she is shy and so am I I want to talk to her more but just dont know what to say to her. last night she came over and we all sat by the bonfire but she wouldnt talk and she has told me that she is a shy person I just dont know what to say cause all the girls that I have talked to werent this shy any tips on what I could say or do to get her to talk more or come out of her shell thanks
JT

26. Oct, 2009

yo guys u really gotta update the site, guys like me need this stuff
Carl

26. Oct, 2009

Kennedy, i have a question. Say your having a good flowing conversation with a girl; how should you ask her for her number?
Ceasar

26. Oct, 2009

hey i like this girl and went to homecoming with her and she liked me when we went but then her friend told her i only went with her to “get some” and i told her it wasnt true cause it wasnt and now it seems that everything has gone downhill from there and i want her to like me again what should i do?
Ceasar

26. Oct, 2009

p.s. and i dont think she wants anything to do with me
Enzo

27. Oct, 2009

@ Carl
Once you start ending your conversation with the girl you just met, say “It was nice talking with you. Hey, do you want to trade numbers?” Most of the time she will say yes, never had a girl say no with phone numbers.
IMPORTANT:
Let her give you her number. IMMEDIATLY after that, dial it in, let her pick up the phone (she should if it wasn’t a fake number). And make a joke speaking into the phone “Can you hear me?” or “Good signal.” I don’t know, be creative.
bennyboy

01. Nov, 2009

Hi guys
There is this girl that I have known for a week now and on the first night we met we got drunk, we only made out, but from then on I have felt attracted to her massively. I have made and effort to talk to her and she isn’t un responsive, its like she enjoys talking to me. Soon after one of her friends told me that she really likes me, this is great news, however what do I do next, I have only known her for a week, is that too early to ask her out or not… help please.
Many thanks
Ben
Rich

03. Nov, 2009

Hey, so I am attracted to this girl that works at dairy queen. I dont know anything about her but would like to. How do I start a conversation with her? I feel like I only have a few minutes to start a conversation and get her number because I cant keep going in there all the time. What you think?
Demon medo

19. Nov, 2009

I really like agirl , and i think she likes me , and iam talking to her , but the big problem is that when iam talking to her i get very nervous and i cant say alot to here , and iam a fraid that i will lose her , please i need help .
Charle

23. Nov, 2009

Ok, here’s the sitch: Cute girl in my drawing class. Her named is Kayla. She is petite, has freckles on face, brunette hair. Really pretty. I may be imagining things, but I notice her smiling at me sometimes in class when she walks over to where I sit to sharpen her pencil. And another thing is she specifically(maybe because no one else is around) talks to me on the way back from class, but rarely ever in class. Should I just take this as a common act of friendliness or perhaps something more? I don’t want to come off as a creepo since I sort of leave class the same time as she does, just to fight for a chance to talk to her on the way back to our dorm building.
Advice, commentary, or ideas would be helpful!
Andrew

27. Nov, 2009

This is all good stuff on how to keep a conversation going but the best way i have seen is to talk about things you two would remember or stuff that has a lot of things to say. Conversations are best to stay between 30 - 45 minutes, if there too long you will get to the point where you think you have her and you say stuff that isnt what you should say. You will feel more comfortable talking to her when you dont make a fool out of yourself.
Nicky

02. Dec, 2009

It might be wrong that I am on this site being female. I was trying to help my cousin because he has trouble with girls. It turns out all the advice I gave him was similar to the advice given on here. I want to say it’s all correct. It’s not about playing games but rather putting your best foot forward. As a female I use these same “techniques.” People react in ways even they don’t understand so we just make a postive out of it. Good luck guys and congratulations to the lucky girls!
James

07. Dec, 2009

I’m realy unpopular in my school I’m branded as a geek and even if I did manage to strike up conversation with a girl I like they wouldn’t be seen dead with me plz help