How to deal with competition from other men

Posted on 17. Aug, 2007 by Michael in Dating Tips, Relationship Advice

Have you ever been hanging out with your girlfriend at a party, turn your back for a minute, then notice that some guy is talking or flirting with her? I’ve been in that situation, along with many other men. There are only two types of men; those that have had this happen to them and those that haven’t yet.

So there you are. You watching some guy flirt with your girl. What do you do? I’m about to tell you.

First, remain calm
The last thing you want is to look insecure, nervous, jealous or angry. Showing these emotions will make you look insecure – read unattractive. You don’t want your girl thinking that she’s dating an insecure pansy or someone in need of anger management. Remember, you might feel these emotions, just don’t show it. Remain calm and act cool like it doesn’t bother you at all.

Walk up to your girl and the guy
Casually walk up to your girl. The keyword is casually. You don’t want to run or timidly walk over to her. Walk as you normally would walk if you were at the mall.

Begin a short conversation
Once you’re by your girl, continue acting casual. For the first few seconds only look at your girl, don’t even acknowledge that the guy is there, smile at her and ask if she’s having fun. Once she answers, look at the guy and be sure to smile. Introduce yourself to him by saying something like, “Oh hey, I’m so-and-so,” and shake his hand. Next look at your girl and apologize for interrupting by saying, “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?” Make sure you sound sincere. Nine times out of ten, the answer will be no. She might say something like, “No but so-and-so (the guy that’s talking to your girl) was telling me about…”

Leave the conversation and walk away with your girl
Now here is the part where you leave gracefully with your girl. Once you get a response to your question, “Am I interrupting something,” it’s time to make your move. That move should be to end the other guy’s conversation. To do this, you need to say something to the effect of, “Oh, OK. Hey babe, I want to introduce you someone.” Then look at the guy and say, “Hey man, it was great meeting you.” Shake his hand one more time, hold your girl’s hand and leave.

Again the key to this is to remain calm and act casual. Now I know that the situation may not go as smoothly as my example. What if the guy is a real jerk and is overtly flirting with her right in front of you? What if your girl says she doesn’t want to leave with you?

These are good questions and I have my answers to them that I’ll post at a later date. Right now I would like my readers to weigh in on the subject. What would you do in any of the above situations?

19 Responses to “How to deal with competition from other men”

  1. Garrett

    14. Feb, 2009

    hey i was reading this post and i began to wonder what you should do if the guy was a jerk or she dosent wannt to go like you said

  2. Michael

    14. Feb, 2009

    To make it short and sweet here are my answers.
    If he’s a jerk, you call him out on being a jerk. But still remain calm. Just calmly say something like, “Wow man. You’re trying way to hard. Are you overcompensating for something?” It’s important to note that you should be willing and able to defend yourself in such a situation.
    Now if your girl doesn’t want to leave, that’s a whole different problem. I suggest you say “That’s cool” and then later when the both of you are alone you end the relationship. Life’s too short to tolerate a girl who treats you like that.

  3. keven

    28. Jun, 2009

    I really wouldn’t fight over a girl in that situation but at the same time you should be ready to defend yourself.Well if the other guy starts getting jerky ,you stop the confrontation with him and ask your girl politely if she want to leave.If she says no, you will just tell her have a great life and move on with your life.

  4. Michael

    30. Jun, 2009

    @ Keven
    Well said, sir.

  5. brandon

    25. Jul, 2009

    ok well this isnt really about a party… but what if it was someone from school with my girl?
    ive sat infront of this guy and he asked if i was with her once. i said yes and he said she was really fine. so i just kindly thanked the guy and said that he would date her again… i said again? he said yeah we dated in 7th grade… but now i find that my girl txts him sometimes… even goes out to have coffee at a shop.she assures me that there is absolutely nothing going on and ive told the guy to stay away twice.
    bottom line- can i trust my girl? she has never lied to me about anything…. but this is just wierd sometimes

    thanks

  6. Michael

    26. Jul, 2009

    @ Brandon
    Only you know if you can trust her. You definitely need to play it cool. Why? Well you don’t want to make your girl angry and give her an excuse to leave.
    However, if it really bothers you that she’s having coffee with him, then you need to tell her that. Explain to her how bad it makes you feel and how the guy told you he’s trying to date her. If she doesn’t care enough about how it makes you feel, then it’s time to move on to another girl you can trust.
    Good luck man.

  7. Rue

    13. Oct, 2009

    well what if u really like the girl and dont know whta to do and already invested ALOT of time with her but she has hurt u so much ur like numb to it . yeah it sounds a lil weak but thats how i feel

  8. Kennedy

    13. Oct, 2009

    @ Rue

    See my reply to your post in the Hobbies article. Get away from that girl!

  9. Charle

    23. Nov, 2009

    Drawing class. Cute girl named Kayla. Same story pretty much. She gets hit on a bunch during class. By at least 3 guys. After class though, she walks back with me to our dorm building. Question is, should I be intimidated that she talks to other guys during class and not me(maybe an occasional smile) or should I just blow it off and act like it was nothing? Advice please!

  10. Tyler

    13. Dec, 2009

    hey i got this girl i like in drawing class but there is this baseball player that always talks to but she does not seem interested in him but leave her alone should i do something about it? i also like this girl but dont how to appoarh her because iam not in the best shape wat should i do? she also flirts with me alot does thatmean she is interested in me and should i make attemed to advance and get to know her little better? PLEASE HELP

  11. Mike

    05. Jan, 2010

    @Tyler - dude if shes flirting with you she’s interested, bottom line the girl is probably more into you’re personality than your physical shape. My recomendation, go for it, nothing attempted is nothing gained. Better to try and fail then not try at all

    @Charle - probably should just ignore it, not only do you seem more confident, it is probably nothing. Some of my best friends girlfriends flirt and tease me and I tease them back… its just playful fun and means absolutely nothing

  12. Cameron

    27. Feb, 2010

    Me and this girl in my first period both like each other but we don’t date (yet). We flirt a little here and there and I get to put my hand (high) on her leg and all that good stuff and she likes to call me her “bff” a lot and writes it on the back of my hand calling me her “#1 bff” but at track practice the other day I noticed that she had wrote the same thing on another dudes hand. now she is a very pretty girl and it isn’t hard to like her so it makes me wonder if i’m not the only guy she flirts with :/ I pretty much know that she likes me more than whoever else but still…the whole “flirting with other guys” deal…. I dont necessarily like it (jealous). And also she sort of play flirts with this guy in our 1st period as well and I sit in between them…. so I have to listen to everything! So, with all of that being said, my problems are: 1. What do I do about the other guys she’s flirting with (especially if/when I start actually dating her)? and 2. How do I get the flirting attention off of the guy next to me and back onto me????

  13. Joe

    20. Mar, 2010

    Alright well my situation may sound bad, but the girl i’m crazy about is my best friend. She is going out with one of my so called “friends” who i am not close with at all but we hang out with the same crowd. They break up all the time and he treats her like crap she always come to me for comfort. Also we are together alone all the time and we always flirt and hang out without him, over her house out to eat and stuff, but nothing is going on between us as far as a relationship. This girl is awesome and she tells me she dosnt want to be with her bf and she dosnt know why she goes back to him. We once talked about dating a long time ago but that was nipped in the bud. Should I go for it, and if so please how should I do it. Keep in mind we are best friends but she is so worth it!

  14. Reuben

    12. Apr, 2010

    i had a gf and we recently broke up . she has been spending time with another guy texting and stuff
    i know for a fact that this guys is a complete dick!
    i am feeling realy jelous . wtf should i do
    i miss her alot and want to hang out again

  15. Kennedy

    13. Apr, 2010

    @ Reuben

    Dude, we’ve all been there. Gotta remove her from your life until you’ve cooled off. No calls, no texts. Remove her from your facebook. It will get better over time. I assure you.

  16. The Enthusiast

    30. Apr, 2010

    @Joe
    Dude, go for it man! What are you waiting for! Next time she feels dissatisfied with her boyfriend, it’s time to strike. Tell her that you have feelings for her; unless she’s insane, she’ll dump him and take you.
    Just my thoughts — it’s not like I know what I’m talking about anyway :D

  17. Mike

    28. May, 2010

    Well… Me and this girl used to be like bestfriends. Now another boy came along and now the girl and I barely ever talk. I just want to atleast be good friends with her, but right now I have no idea what to do, and ive just been depressed about this the last couple weeks. Please help.

  18. in need of help

    21. Jul, 2010

    hello i am having girl problems.

    i have been with my gf for about 3 yrs now n weve been getting into lots of fights because of things that i have done. i told her the truth n everythin that i did behind her back n i also told her y i did it. i sincerely apolagized to her, but there is one thing that i told her i did for one reason but she thinks thats not the reason i did it. n she thinks theres another reason for it.

    can somene please help me out cause im afraid that we might not last any longer if we continue this situation. thank u so much

    she also doesnt want to see me until se has a different reason then i told her. but the reason that i did tell her is the truth

  19. Michael

    21. Jul, 2010

    Hi in need,

    Well you really can’t blame her for not trusting you. Sounds like you’ve gone behind her back one too many times.

    Sounds to me that this relationship needs time to heal. Maybe the beat thing is for you two to spend some time apart. That way you both get time to evaluate if you really need to be together. If you truly loves her, you wouldn’t go behind her back. If you care about her you want her to be treated better.

    Good luck man!

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