How to deal with competition from other men
Posted on 17. Aug, 2007 by Michael in Dating Tips, Relationship Advice
Have you ever been hanging out with your girlfriend at a party, turn your back for a minute, then notice that some guy is talking or flirting with her? I’ve been in that situation, along with many other men. There are only two types of men; those that have had this happen to them and those that haven’t yet.
So there you are. You watching some guy flirt with your girl. What do you do? I’m about to tell you.
First, remain calm
The last thing you want is to look insecure, nervous, jealous or angry. Showing these emotions will make you look insecure – read unattractive. You don’t want your girl thinking that she’s dating an insecure pansy or someone in need of anger management. Remember, you might feel these emotions, just don’t show it. Remain calm and act cool like it doesn’t bother you at all.
Walk up to your girl and the guy
Casually walk up to your girl. The keyword is casually. You don’t want to run or timidly walk over to her. Walk as you normally would walk if you were at the mall.
Begin a short conversation
Once you’re by your girl, continue acting casual. For the first few seconds only look at your girl, don’t even acknowledge that the guy is there, smile at her and ask if she’s having fun. Once she answers, look at the guy and be sure to smile. Introduce yourself to him by saying something like, “Oh hey, I’m so-and-so,” and shake his hand. Next look at your girl and apologize for interrupting by saying, “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?” Make sure you sound sincere. Nine times out of ten, the answer will be no. She might say something like, “No but so-and-so (the guy that’s talking to your girl) was telling me about…”
Leave the conversation and walk away with your girl
Now here is the part where you leave gracefully with your girl. Once you get a response to your question, “Am I interrupting something,” it’s time to make your move. That move should be to end the other guy’s conversation. To do this, you need to say something to the effect of, “Oh, OK. Hey babe, I want to introduce you someone.” Then look at the guy and say, “Hey man, it was great meeting you.” Shake his hand one more time, hold your girl’s hand and leave.
Again the key to this is to remain calm and act casual. Now I know that the situation may not go as smoothly as my example. What if the guy is a real jerk and is overtly flirting with her right in front of you? What if your girl says she doesn’t want to leave with you?
These are good questions and I have my answers to them that I’ll post at a later date. Right now I would like my readers to weigh in on the subject. What would you do in any of the above situations?
Shy to Talk, a fan of AdviceOnGirls.com
Garrett
14. Feb, 2009
hey i was reading this post and i began to wonder what you should do if the guy was a jerk or she dosent wannt to go like you said
Michael
14. Feb, 2009
To make it short and sweet here are my answers.
If he’s a jerk, you call him out on being a jerk. But still remain calm. Just calmly say something like, “Wow man. You’re trying way to hard. Are you overcompensating for something?” It’s important to note that you should be willing and able to defend yourself in such a situation.
Now if your girl doesn’t want to leave, that’s a whole different problem. I suggest you say “That’s cool” and then later when the both of you are alone you end the relationship. Life’s too short to tolerate a girl who treats you like that.
keven
28. Jun, 2009
I really wouldn’t fight over a girl in that situation but at the same time you should be ready to defend yourself.Well if the other guy starts getting jerky ,you stop the confrontation with him and ask your girl politely if she want to leave.If she says no, you will just tell her have a great life and move on with your life.
Michael
30. Jun, 2009
@ Keven
Well said, sir.
brandon
25. Jul, 2009
ok well this isnt really about a party… but what if it was someone from school with my girl?
ive sat infront of this guy and he asked if i was with her once. i said yes and he said she was really fine. so i just kindly thanked the guy and said that he would date her again… i said again? he said yeah we dated in 7th grade… but now i find that my girl txts him sometimes… even goes out to have coffee at a shop.she assures me that there is absolutely nothing going on and ive told the guy to stay away twice.
bottom line- can i trust my girl? she has never lied to me about anything…. but this is just wierd sometimes
thanks
Michael
26. Jul, 2009
@ Brandon
Only you know if you can trust her. You definitely need to play it cool. Why? Well you don’t want to make your girl angry and give her an excuse to leave.
However, if it really bothers you that she’s having coffee with him, then you need to tell her that. Explain to her how bad it makes you feel and how the guy told you he’s trying to date her. If she doesn’t care enough about how it makes you feel, then it’s time to move on to another girl you can trust.
Good luck man.
Rue
13. Oct, 2009
well what if u really like the girl and dont know whta to do and already invested ALOT of time with her but she has hurt u so much ur like numb to it . yeah it sounds a lil weak but thats how i feel
Kennedy
13. Oct, 2009
@ Rue
See my reply to your post in the Hobbies article. Get away from that girl!
Charle
23. Nov, 2009
Drawing class. Cute girl named Kayla. Same story pretty much. She gets hit on a bunch during class. By at least 3 guys. After class though, she walks back with me to our dorm building. Question is, should I be intimidated that she talks to other guys during class and not me(maybe an occasional smile) or should I just blow it off and act like it was nothing? Advice please!
Tyler
13. Dec, 2009
hey i got this girl i like in drawing class but there is this baseball player that always talks to but she does not seem interested in him but leave her alone should i do something about it? i also like this girl but dont how to appoarh her because iam not in the best shape wat should i do? she also flirts with me alot does thatmean she is interested in me and should i make attemed to advance and get to know her little better? PLEASE HELP
Mike
05. Jan, 2010
@Tyler – dude if shes flirting with you she’s interested, bottom line the girl is probably more into you’re personality than your physical shape. My recomendation, go for it, nothing attempted is nothing gained. Better to try and fail then not try at all
@Charle – probably should just ignore it, not only do you seem more confident, it is probably nothing. Some of my best friends girlfriends flirt and tease me and I tease them back… its just playful fun and means absolutely nothing
Cameron
27. Feb, 2010
Me and this girl in my first period both like each other but we don’t date (yet). We flirt a little here and there and I get to put my hand (high) on her leg and all that good stuff and she likes to call me her “bff” a lot and writes it on the back of my hand calling me her “#1 bff” but at track practice the other day I noticed that she had wrote the same thing on another dudes hand. now she is a very pretty girl and it isn’t hard to like her so it makes me wonder if i’m not the only guy she flirts with :/ I pretty much know that she likes me more than whoever else but still…the whole “flirting with other guys” deal…. I dont necessarily like it (jealous). And also she sort of play flirts with this guy in our 1st period as well and I sit in between them…. so I have to listen to everything! So, with all of that being said, my problems are: 1. What do I do about the other guys she’s flirting with (especially if/when I start actually dating her)? and 2. How do I get the flirting attention off of the guy next to me and back onto me????
Joe
20. Mar, 2010
Alright well my situation may sound bad, but the girl i’m crazy about is my best friend. She is going out with one of my so called “friends” who i am not close with at all but we hang out with the same crowd. They break up all the time and he treats her like crap she always come to me for comfort. Also we are together alone all the time and we always flirt and hang out without him, over her house out to eat and stuff, but nothing is going on between us as far as a relationship. This girl is awesome and she tells me she dosnt want to be with her bf and she dosnt know why she goes back to him. We once talked about dating a long time ago but that was nipped in the bud. Should I go for it, and if so please how should I do it. Keep in mind we are best friends but she is so worth it!
Reuben
12. Apr, 2010
i had a gf and we recently broke up . she has been spending time with another guy texting and stuff
i know for a fact that this guys is a complete dick!
i am feeling realy jelous . wtf should i do
i miss her alot and want to hang out again
Kennedy
13. Apr, 2010
@ Reuben
Dude, we’ve all been there. Gotta remove her from your life until you’ve cooled off. No calls, no texts. Remove her from your facebook. It will get better over time. I assure you.
The Enthusiast
30. Apr, 2010
@Joe
Dude, go for it man! What are you waiting for! Next time she feels dissatisfied with her boyfriend, it’s time to strike. Tell her that you have feelings for her; unless she’s insane, she’ll dump him and take you.
Just my thoughts — it’s not like I know what I’m talking about anyway
Mike
28. May, 2010
Well… Me and this girl used to be like bestfriends. Now another boy came along and now the girl and I barely ever talk. I just want to atleast be good friends with her, but right now I have no idea what to do, and ive just been depressed about this the last couple weeks. Please help.
in need of help
21. Jul, 2010
hello i am having girl problems.
i have been with my gf for about 3 yrs now n weve been getting into lots of fights because of things that i have done. i told her the truth n everythin that i did behind her back n i also told her y i did it. i sincerely apolagized to her, but there is one thing that i told her i did for one reason but she thinks thats not the reason i did it. n she thinks theres another reason for it.
can somene please help me out cause im afraid that we might not last any longer if we continue this situation. thank u so much
she also doesnt want to see me until se has a different reason then i told her. but the reason that i did tell her is the truth
Michael
21. Jul, 2010
Hi in need,
Well you really can’t blame her for not trusting you. Sounds like you’ve gone behind her back one too many times.
Sounds to me that this relationship needs time to heal. Maybe the beat thing is for you two to spend some time apart. That way you both get time to evaluate if you really need to be together. If you truly loves her, you wouldn’t go behind her back. If you care about her you want her to be treated better.
Good luck man!
baby mo
26. Oct, 2010
hey i gotta a problem and it is hurting me tremendously.
so please help if you will. my girl goes to school up 30 min away. and she lives up that way also. i dont. i think she is gonna leave me for some other dude and she told me she would never, which is great. but then this dude comes along. she said it would be all okay if it wasnt for him. this guy came halfway thru this semester and she became good friends with him. which i have no problem with. she asked me if she could give him a hug since they are good friends. i said yea. then she asked if she could give him a kiss.and i said no, she said not even on tha cheek. i said not even on tha cheek, and she came to visit me last weekend and everything was good, and then monday morning everything was still good. then monday afternoon/nite everything was bad cuz she decided to go and make out with this boy and she told me that she liked it. and she is going to do something that has happened to her in tha past she is gonna cheat on me and i dont want that but she has been cheated on and felt really bad when that happened then i came in to her life. and man i really love her dude and i feel she is falling out of love with me. i need some things to say to her. so she doesnt get anymore mad cuz she gets mad cuz i dont talk when she doesnt even listen to me. we have been dating for almost 4 months. her parents and grandparents are telling her that she is their child and there is no way she could stay with just one person for tha rest of her life which she used to not care bout what they said. and now all of a sudden she does and i think she is starting to listen to them. she said she has never had to choose between to people before and she needs time to think. which is fine and i still love her with all of my heart even tho this bad thing happened. she thinks it is ok to hold hands kiss hug and touch other people, as long as they dont have sex. i need some help she is hurting me worse than i have ever been hurt before, and if she does this to me i dont kno what im gonna do. please be there for me and help me, with some advice. thanx
Michael
26. Oct, 2010
@ Baby Mo
Dude, I am so sorry. That’s a terrible way for you to be treated.
Listen to me here because I only want what’s best for you. You need to walk away from this girl. She will only hurt you more. If you decide to stay with her after everything she has done & said, she will know she can cheat on you again and again. Why? Because she will know you’re too afraid to leave her.
Oh, and you may be thinking “I can change her if I can show her how much I love her.” Well let me tell you that you can’t change her. God made man (and woman) to have free will. The Lord won’t change her unless she wants to change. Doesn’t sound like she wants to change. I say this to let you know you can’t change her.
You need to leave her now man. It will hurt to do it. But trust me, you will get hurt so much worse later if you don’t.
Good luck man.
baby mo
26. Oct, 2010
okay man i will do what i gotta do. i appreciate you listening and giving me some advice. thanx i will let you kno what happens. thanx again.
peace
mo
Chris
27. Oct, 2010
I’ve got a pretty bad problem. I really like this girl from my school. We went out over the summer and broke up, but I still really liked her. A couple days ago I asked her out, and she said yes. So everything was fine, but I noticed she was always timid and nervous around me. So I was texting her and I asked her if there was a problem. She said yes. She went on to tell me that she didn’t like me, and she wanted to break up. I almost completely flipped out, but then stopped myself. I did everything I could to try to persuade her to stay with me, but nothing worked. She completely tore out my heart. So now I’m wondering what I should do. I still really like her, but I don’t think likes me and she’s already broke up with memtwice now. And I think after today she’s angry with me. I still really like her and want to go out with her. Any advice on what I should do?
Jordi
02. Nov, 2010
Chris you should just keep it cool. The key is to attract women, not to chase them. so stay friends with her, ask her to go out with your friends not just the two of you and remember, be social with everybody. doing this you might get other girls attracted to you, which is the only chance you have to get her back.
Chris
04. Nov, 2010
Thank you jordi. I had no idea what to do. This advice has really helped already.
Jordi
05. Nov, 2010
you’re welcome man. think that most girls like self-confident social guys, so in order to attract them you must act cool, as if you didn’t care what they do because you’ve got your friends and your life. therefore the way to ask them out is saying things like “I’m doing this tonite” or “Some of us are going to whichever club tonite”, and so on. and then just ask “wanna come”?
btw, if she agrees to go out with you and your friends she’ll probably take friends along, so remember to be social with all of them, specially if they are “cool” guys. trust me, that’s a killer, because that will make you look very self-confident. this might be a bit hard to understand, but it works.
Chris
07. Nov, 2010
Ok, thanks again. I will keep this in mind. Never thought of it that way. I will leave comments here if I have any more problems. (probably will…)
zack
05. Dec, 2010
hey so i just moved to a small town. i have visited there quite a bit and i met this girl last sumer and we got really close. when i told her i was moving there she was all exited. When i got there and started school i saw her and she would hug me and flirt for a bi tthen we would have to go to class. we texted alll the time and ive really started to like this girl. But like the other day i walked with her and her friend to lunch and paid for her and when we got back to school i walked her to her class and said godbye and she said thank you and hugged me lke never before. but then when class was out i had to stay for like 30 sec before i coud leave and right before i left she walked pass my class and i was gonna go up and talk to her and right as i was about to she hugged this other guy and started talking with him. and ive noticed him and her talking a lot more but i was almost positive she liked me. idk what to do knowhow to get her to like me more than him.
-zack
zach
04. Jan, 2011
Well me and this girl have been close for a while and i text her quite bit and i love her to death and i wouldnt wanna lose her but she starts seeing another guy and just talking and stuff but its kinda irritating me am i being too protective?
Janais
08. May, 2011
Thanks for sharing. What a pluaesre to read!