Afraid to talk to girls: an example of what not to do

Posted on 16. Aug, 2007 by Michael in Increase Your Confidence

In the immortal words of the band Queen, “another one bites the dust.”

On VH1′s The Pickup Artist, Spoon (that’s his picture on the left) quit the contest. If you haven’t been watching the show, start now! It’s full of great advice about how to approach girls. But I digress.

Did you catch what I said? He didn’t get voted off, he quit. He became so scared about approaching and talking to girls, he walked away from a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Interestingly, the episode ends with Spoon saying that he has become more courageous and he feels like a changed man. Sadly, he’s lying to himself.

But we’ve all been guilty of that same thing. We’ve all been so scared that we want to cry but also punch something at the same time. Spoon could have overcome his fear; he just didn’t have the strength to do it. Correction, he had the strength. He just didn’t believe he had it.

But you do have the strength. What I want you to take away from this post is that you should never give up; never let the fear overcome you. The next time you see a girl you want to talk to, in the mall, at school, wherever, tell yourself that you refuse to succumb to fear. Go up to the girl and start a conversation.

You can do it!

30 Responses to “Afraid to talk to girls: an example of what not to do”

Gilberto

11. Sep, 2008

hey but what if your that shy to talk to a girl that you can’t even look on in the eyes because your that shy
kevin

16. Nov, 2008

gilberto u stole my comment i need help wit dat too im not afraid of a fight but i get shit scared when i have to talk to a girl
Rob

18. Feb, 2009

Hey dude, About not looking a girl in the eye, You have to overcome that if you want a successful conversation. Think of the female as one of your male friends, I was scared to look a girl in the eye as well but i overcame that of sucking it up and looking her in the eye, Then she’ll know you guys are making a connection. What do you have to lose ?
Anonomous

16. Mar, 2009

Generally im fine with girls. But if it comes to a girl i really really like i just become all shy. I worry because im worried i wont say the right things and then she won’t like me.
Michael

16. Mar, 2009

@ Anonymous
We all worry a little. The key is to not let that worry overpower your intellect and courage.
Jon

05. May, 2009

NIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I love this. Its just what I needed

I have self esteem issues (self precribed, lol.)

Jon

(Im 13)
Kennedy

26. May, 2009

@ Everyone in here
The easiest way to practice eye contact? ?Your friends. Try it with them. You’re already comfortable with them, so why not? They’re great mouthpieces for feedback as well. If you’re making eye contact too long, and are looking somewhat creepy, then they’ll tell you. If you’re staring at their mouth instead of looking them in the eye, they’ll ask you why in the world you are watching them talk.
A cool side-benefit of this is that after a little practice you’ll actually show your friends that your confidence has increased, without ever saying a word.
Try it!
Aaron

12. Jun, 2009

after reading the article and those comments, it really helps me to overcome my fear a little, i’ll try it with the girl i want to talk to
Michael

12. Jun, 2009

@ Aaron
That’s the spirit man! Good luck!
AG

04. Sep, 2009

There is a girl that i realy realy like for a long time. and now we are in the same college. the other day i saw her but she didn’t see me. I wanted to go talk to her but i could n’t. I am not sure of how should i start a conversation with her? help……
Kennedy

08. Sep, 2009

@ AG

Does this girl know who you are? If so, just walk up to her and say hello. Ask her how college is treating her, what classes she is taking, where she lives on campus, etc. I promise you those three questions can get you a half hour of conversation alone. After you’re done, offer to take her to lunch on campus one day. It’s something that doesn’t put a lot of pressure on her, so she’d be more apt to go for it. From there you can talk about classes, sports, weekend plans, etc. Go for it man!
Karl

12. Sep, 2009

Hi, I have a problem, There is this girl I find attractive but she has no Idea who I am. Her friends are always around her, so I don’t wanna go up to her and look like a loser if I get rejected or something. I’ve never had a problem with talking to girls, it’s just the approach that kills me.
Kevin

12. Sep, 2009

Yeah I would defintely avoid talking to the whole group of girls because that puts you on the spot more. Try getting her away from the group or bring some friends who are comfortable around girls with you. It will take a load of pressure off your shoulders and let you talk to that special girl without seeming random
Michael

14. Sep, 2009

@ Karl & Kevin
I agree with Kevin. Thanks for sharing the advice Kevin!
David

31. Oct, 2009

Hay i still can’t get over being shy/nervous is there any other advice you can give me?
James

24. Jan, 2010

Hey, umm, ok so normally i can talk to chicks like helllaa easily but there’s this one chick at my school (shes a grade older than me, im 7th, shes 8th) and like i just cant talk to her. I was just wondering what i should say, because of how i cant just be all liek, “eh, sorry i just couldnt help but notice you across the hallway” because of how like shes seen me at school before. I kind of have an idea of what to say, but im not totally sure. Also, would it be weird to ask her out, like when i first meet her? SInce it seems easier to ask her out than get in a conversation. Thanks.
Kennedy

24. Jan, 2010

@ James

You can always try to introduce yourself. Just a simple, “hey, I’ve seen you a few times in the hallway, and wanted to introduce myself.” Once you’ve given her your name, ask her if she’s interested in getting coffee or something simple like that sometime. Keep it simple!
Let us know how it goes. Good luck!
James

24. Jan, 2010

thanks so much for all the help, im hopefully going to sack-up and talk to her, so thanks
Charle Sub

03. Feb, 2010

@Kennedy
It’s not that I’m entirely fearful of talking to girls. It’s the whole element of keeping their attention/not boring them to death or scaring them away. That’s my biggest fear. And my other weakness is driving on the need to talk to them constantly, which draws more issues for annoyance/dependency which is scary… How do I break a hold of this? It’s imperative I get advice soon or I’ll stay in square one for a good while.
James

11. Feb, 2010

Thanks for the help. I talked to her, but like, barely, she actually started the conversation, she was just like “Hi, i dont think we’ve met before” and i said “nope” and she said her name and i said mine and that was it so, in other words, a sad excuse for a conversation. I think she likes me though from body language. But i was wondering if it’s to early to just ask her to hang out sometime at like the park. Thanks for the help! Cool website by the way.
Charle

12. Feb, 2010

@Kennedy and Michael. Marketing. Hot blonde girl. Sitting right by me. I wanted to break the ice and talk to her, because I observed she was bored, messing with the rings of her notebook during class, but I just clammed up. There was no way that I could talk to her. I literally psyched myself out. Please I need advice on what to do. There are times when it’s not an issue for me, but in this case it was. I talked myself out of talking to a very pretty girl in my class. I’ve sadly taken a step back in my life…
Kennedy

14. Feb, 2010

@ James

That’s exactly the kind of question to ask! Nice work! Glad to hear you are putting together the pieces to the puzzle. Now go for it and see if she’ll hang out with you some time. Good luck!
James

15. Feb, 2010

K, thanks for all the help. Happy valentines day!
Josh

03. Mar, 2010

Hey guys I love you of website and it’s got some pretty legit tips so keep it up. So here’s my problem:

I’m good at talking with girls generally. It’s just how do I keep a conversation and not look bored or look like you’re bored of them. I talk to girls but I just don’t how to keep them interested long enough so I like talk to them and I can end the conversation. Any help is appreciated.
Kennedy

09. Mar, 2010

@ Josh

Open-ended questions. One great thing about those types of questions is that it lets the other person talk about themselves – which keeps them interested in the conversation! Come up with some open-ended questions about school, work, cars, whatever. Keep them in the back of your mind for the next time you are in this situation.
Pierce

09. Apr, 2010

Alright here’s a basic outline of my problem:

Im 14, in year 9 at an all boys school. I’m currently involved in a school play and there is a girl’s school also invoved. Over the last 3 months i’ve noticed a certain girl and taken a fancy to her. My problem is when I try to work up the courage to talk to her I coward out. I think the thing im scared of is the very first thing i say. I’ve never had a girlfriend before so I don’t have a clue what to say to her. Usually she is hanging with her friends so I don’t think it’ll be possible to get her on her own. The play finnishes in a month so after that I don’t think i’ll be able to see her again unless I introduce myself. Would you be able to give me some tips on the subject? The next time I see her is in 9 days so if i could work up the courage to talk to her by then, it’d be geat.

Thanks in advance, Sincerly Pierce
Kennedy

13. Apr, 2010

@ Pierce

Good news! You already have a built-in reason to talk to her – the play. Find out what part she is playing and ask her how it’s going for her. Offer to help her read and practice her lines – that’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, my friend.
Just remember – take a deep breath before you speak. You can do it!
Joel

13. Apr, 2010

Hi, I’m a freshman in college. I have a crush on a 3rd year girl in the media department. I’m in media too, so I do see her a couple times in the computer lab during the week, but I never had enough courage to converse with her. I’m not sure how to initiate a conversation with her, but I have thought about asking her to critique my work out of the blue or possibly asking her to model for one of my film shoots. Would those be a good and seemingly natural way to start a convo? If not, what can I do besides walking up and introducing myself?
Vik

02. Feb, 2011

Hey guys, I just realized this recently (Im a dude too). If you’re at a mall and it’s a girl youve never seen before, chances are you won’t see her again. My friends and I go to malls that are 30 minutes away from home, because there’s no chance of running into those girls during school or something again. So if you think about it, you have nothing to fear, cuz what’s the worst that could happen? You get rejected. You ask her a question, she blows you off and continues walking. You’ll never see her again, and she obviously wasn’t the right one for you, so just remember that next time you try to talk to a girl in a mall or something, that’s my motto =)
MIDO

03. Jul, 2011

hello guys !! thanks for all these advice .. it helped me alot rising my confidence…
thats my story=i’ve seen a very sexy girl in the lesson and i wanted to talk to her but she was with her friends (girls) … one of my friends now her ( boy) .. he tald me that he can introd. me to her .. but he didnt and tald me that he lied and didnt know that girl … one day i was hanging out with ma friends i’ve seen the 2 of them only hanging out in the mall … i felt soo angry but ma friends took me away of taht place … plz help what to be done ?? thanks alot